Month: April 2026

  • Emerson and I went to see a reading of a play at County Clare Irish Pub tonight.

    It was simultaneously very funny but also very emotionally heavy, and I took a much needed smoke break towards the end of it. Two girls were discussing their guy drama and I told them to just be bold and also trust their gut because we live in a hellscape. I told them that that’s how I met Emerson and we’re married now 💛 They said that they appreciated my wisdom, so there’s that, I guess. I also met a very inquisitive and affectionate dog named Keaton. Both his owner and I think he might be a boxer mix of some kind, but he’s also very small, so he might have been the runt of his litter. He was a very precious baby who reminded me of my childhood dog, a purebred Lab named Eli, who was constantly excited about everything and was very handsome. Everyone loved that lad even though he was extremely small for his breed.

    I also figured out that a friend of Emerson’s and mine works at County Clare. I almost didn’t recognize her outside of the events I normally see her at, but it’s a small world, I suppose, and I was grateful to run into her. She’s lovely.

    It started raining on the way back to the car, and I think my body is deeply unhappy with all the storms we’re having. I feel like I got hit by a train.

    I think I’m going to go to sleep soon. I definitely need it. I managed to finally go to sleep around 5 AM today. I feel like I was hit by a train.

    Juneau is in one of his states again – I think he might be splitting on me or starting to. He’ll probably come around in about 2 business days with an apology or something to that effect, and we’ll kiss and make up, as it were. I think it would be in poor taste to inform him that he might be splitting on me, he’s an adult and he’ll come to that conclusion on his own. In the meantime, there’s nothing to do but live life, dispense advice to strangers on the sidewalk like I’m some faerie that haunts the shadows, see really heavy plays, and scritch adorable dogs.

    -Allēna

  • I am too tired for this world..

    I injured my ankle at Linneman’s on Monday due to the severity of my fatigue and I was in bed most of yesterday. I am still very tired because yesterday kicked the hell out of me emotionally. I just… Can’t with this shit. I hope y’all are having a better time than I am..

    -Allēna

  • “a beginner’s guide to splitting your brain”

    when I said you’d be the death of me,
    I was being literal. the left side of me is
    a ghost, wrath kept it in the divorce
    twenty eight years ago
    when I was too young and stupid
    to know what a prenup was
    and I’ve been giving away pieces of me
    since
    when I promised you my hand, I was being
    literal
    keep it, preserve it in any way you want
    after I am gone
    whether you wear my bones as a talisman
    to remember me, half dead haunted pipe organ courtesan assassin
    or calcify it
    like percy bysshe’s heart
    to remember me by
    when my time bomb mind decides to explode
    and you outpace me on this race to the edge

    when I said you’d be the death of me, I was
    being literal. the two halves of my body
    run on syncopated time
    an unexpected eighth note in my limp
    when my left foot drags behind my right
    an odd time in my step
    my right hand moving my left in time when
    it balls up and refuses to obey any longer
    even my brain has changed shape from
    the stress of it all that I once called the thrill
    but gods’ honest truth is that I think it’s
    slowly killing me although I breathe for it
    and I don’t remember how I got the will
    to stay alive
    I am no more god than ozymandias but I am
    by no means fragile
    I can and would walk  through a hurricane and dance barefoot on sea glass to have you
    believe I love you and know I mean it
    and even though the spring sun may singe
    the skin of this transmasculine tragedian
    troubadour
    it will take far more than heat and pressure to break me

    and when I am gone, remember me as
    a mountain of madness
    remember me as a three legged hare who
    decided to roar
    remember me as one who fought for you
    fought with you, fought death, did not go gentle
    became the whirlwind, became the lightning,
    and was the one that the lightning struck back.
    remember me as the human unchained
    the one who walks free
    remember me as the one who shot the moon
    and took the stars and brought them down for you
    remember me as a hurricane, the madwoman
    in the attic, the singer of morning
    molten golden light,
    the one in the ring who feared not the brave pain
    and stood tall and bellowed at two generations of fire anyway,
    the conjurer of shape and smoke
    and color, the one who dared to split my mind
    to walk in tragedy
    to write my own eulogy
    and take up fucking space anyway
    remember me while I am here
    remember me now
    remember the life of me
    while I still breathe

  • I’ve defrosted.

    It is technically spring, even though it’s supposed to be 36° tomorrow, which means it’s my time to shine. It’s been awhile.

    -Tindwyl

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