Month: July 2026

  • I’ve been so tired

    that I could barely respond to the wonderful  messages people have been sending me on a lovely new app that Emerson and Hawthorne put me onto called Roost, and I still couldn’t get to all of them. I feel bad, but resting is important. The emotional and physical toll of the past…yes must be catching up to me.

    It’s also been six years to the day since my headmate Peri left our ex-husband, Fang, although she wouldn’t leave for Texas until July 11 (Alaska time), so that may be also contributing to the exhaustion somewhat. July seems to be the month of life-altering decisions and plot twist insanity, whether it was Peri leaving Fang, Eight leaving for Philly a year and some later, him starting the relationship for the first time with Zelda the year after that (I can’t quite recall the date of their anniversary, though, but I know it was late July/early August), or my massive seizures that were a major contributing factor in us leaving Zelda that also happened a year ago today, not to mention me finally divorcing Fang officially last year on July 23. So it’s a heavy month for a lot of reasons, full of life changes and memories and grief.

    I will admit that I’m fully anticipating tragedy in some form this month given the seizures last year, or some other kind of major upheaval, but I don’t know what it will be and that scares me and that could also be contributing to my fatigue…

    We’ll see what happens, I guess. I’ll keep y’all posted, as always.

    -Allēna

  • I wish I could say I’ve been resting,

    and I have been, physically, for the most part.

    But things between Emerson and I have been a lot less tempestuous and a lot less stressful since he had his surgery, to such a degree that I’ve been able to work through my own emotional backlog for what feels like the first time in years, and I would LOVE to stop having soul crushing realizations for one day. Please.

    -Allēna

  • Today was nice until it wasn’t.

    I monuMENTALLY fucked up during a conversation with Juneau about an hour ago. I don’t want to go into detail but I feel really sad about it and also really guilty for feeling really sad about it because I don’t think I have any right to because I’m the one who fucked up. So I don’t really know what else to say here (or at all) since it feels like my mind has run completely out of words?

    So I’m going to disappear for awhile and feel my feelings without making them anyone else’s problem.

    -Allēna