Good afternoon, everyone! My name is Sabrina, and I shall be posting something on Lumine’s behalf. Today’s topic of interest: Final Fantasy 14!

FFXIV’s story is full of twists and turns, plot-twists, and tons of wacky moments. Considering it now is host to 5 expansions plus the main story, new players wanting to get into this game may be left wondering: “What exactly do the main plots of these stories consist of?” That is what this post is for!

A Realm Reborn (base game): Hey, this is great! I’m a new adventurer ready to step out into the big, wide- … fuck, I’m the main character, aren’t I? … People are going to die for me, aren’t they? … SONOFA-

Heavensward (Dragon-fuckers are Against the Bible: The Expansion): Hello Ishguard A.K.A: The Catholic Church! Dragons aren’t our enemy! Now come with me as we take down the Archbishop/king and his circle of knights who may not represent King Arthur and the Knights of the Round! WOO!

Stormblood (Viva la Revolution: The Expansion): You want us to help you liberate your homeland from the Garlean Empire? … fuck it, why not!? [A Few Moments Later:] Oh hey, China/Japan! [Even More Moments Later:] Wait, who the fuck is this blonde little shit and why was he able to kick our ass!? I hope we get to fight him again soon!

Shadowbringers (Emotional Damage: The Expansion): So, wait, you mean to tell me we aren’t the only victims here? There’s MORE to this story!? Time to become emotionally invested to this place and these characters! YAY FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

Endwalker (Depression: The Expansion): Oh, you thought the emotional damage was over!? Yeah, no, LET’S CRANK THAT SHIT UP TO 11! Oh yeah, good luck trying to prevent the END OF THE GODSDAMNED UNIVERSE! Hope that doesn’t fuck you up mentally or anything! Now shut up and cuddle these adorable tiny bunny creatures you sad fuck, but don’t feel TOO hard, or else you’ll become a Blasphemy too! ^U^

Dawntrail (Absolutely 100% a Beach Episode: The Expansion): Ah, FINALLY! A godsdamed vacation! Look at us helping our new friend with her goals! It’s such a relief not being the main chara- [Insert the 2nd half] … oh son of a Protestant whore… CAN WE NOT KEEP THIS SHIT CLEAN FOR FIVE MINUTES!?