There isn’t a lot I can do at present except stay in bed most of the time even if I would otherwise have the energy to move around and do things. When I do attempt to get out of bed and do things, my spine and hips start to scream again and that isn’t a good time for anyone. So I’ve been laying in bed and watching a lot of Scandal on Netflix again, since we got our subscription renewed a bit ago.
While I watch TV and sling memes and work on things online and around the house where I am able, it’s gotten me thinking a lot about the nature of rest as well as what it means to be reasonably able to do something. See, I am technically able to do a lot. I have the skills, knowledge, and in many cases, technical mastery necessary to perform many tasks. Whether I’m able to actually do these things, especially all at once or in a short amount of time without hurting or exhausting myself, is a completely different story, especially now. I think that’s how ability, in a compassionate world, should be defined: whether or not a person can accomplish a given task, without threat of significant harm to themselves and/or others around them.
It’s a similar case with rest for me. I don’t rest typically. My mind requires near constant stimulation, either by means of something like watching TV that makes me think, daydreaming, researching, writing, building this website, or by external means involving trusted people when I’m able to participate and they are also able and willing, like fun conversations, adventures, or performing poetry. If I get bored, that’s ALSO not a good time for anyone. I wouldn’t find relaxing on a beach somewhere any sort of rejuvenating at all, unfortunately. My brain has to be engaged in something I’m passionate about for me to feel like I’m resting, ironically.
Given the complicated intersections between my mental needs and physical disabilities, I find a lot of my community and stimulation online. I have since at least 2017. Hell, many of the people I know and love in person now I initially met online, because as I’ve worked through my agoraphobia and even worse physical pain and fatigue than this, it was one of the only ways I could meet people and keep in touch with them at all.
I suppose all of this is to say thank fuck for the Internet. It’s given gremlins like me a voice and a community and opportunities to have some semblance of a life that we wouldn’t have had before it came about. The Internet isn’t perfect and a lot of things are shit about the state of the world today, but I love my people. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Y’all make my life a little brighter every day.
How do y’all rest? How do you find community? What do you think it means to be reasonably able to do something?
You don’t have to be disabled and/or neurodivergent to answer, but I’m very curious to hear from disabled, neurodivergent, and other marginalized people especially. Let me know in the comments 💛
-Allēna