Open Sorcery

Tag: exhaustion

  • I was out of the house almost all day.

    But I performed Guernica I and II from memory at the last Honeybee Sage open mic of the summer. I’ll probably post the video of it tomorrow. For now, however, I’m exhausted.

    Goodnight, y’all.

    -Allēna

  • I am spent.

    But at least I have a random T shirt from an adventure today??

    Goodnight, all.

    -Peri

  • I think I might have broken myself a little today.

    But Emerson and I got the apartment mostly clean, wheeee.

    -Allēna

  • I don’t feel like I did all that much today,

    But the crowdfunding for May rent is almost done, at least, we only have a bit more to go and then I can chilllll. I also talked with a friend for the first time on the phone today, and that was lovely.

    If you’d like to help with the crowdfund for May rent, anything helps. My pay links are as follows:

    Cashapp: $persephonejam

    Venmo: opensorceryy

    PayPal: trinrigel@gmail.com

    I love y’all so much.

    -Allēna

  • I tried to perform at a poetry event tonight,

    but neither of the hosts called me to perform. I was there for about 3 hours. The event started 45 minutes late as well. I left at 9:57ish, three minutes before the event was scheduled to end, and they hadn’t called the second feature yet. I’m not sure if it was intentional, if they couldn’t read my handwriting on the open mic list, if they were just running super behind, or what, but I didn’t feel well either, so I left at 9:57ish and headed home.

    I’m so tired, y’all..

    -Allēna

  • I think I’m going to turn in early tonight, y’all,

    (for me, anyway).

    I’m processing a lot and my brain feels so overtaxed that it’s a struggle to think or even breathe at times. I’ve been struggling to even message Juneau, and that’s been quite easy of late. I think I’ve overworked myself into a hole.

    So I’m going to have a leisurely smoke and then I think I’m going to attempt sleep.

    G’night, y’all.

    If y’all want to help me feel less overtaxed, please check out my Patreon. It would be a huge help. 💛

    -Allēna

  • I think I hit my social limit today.

    Between a bunch of phone calls and DMs and getting sunsick this past weekend, including yet another phone call to get my benefits sorted because my representative has been AWOL for over a month now, I sort of went into turtly hermit mode and watched Smosh for most of the afternoon. It was nice.

    -Allēna

  • I feel like death,

    But I got a lot of shit done today. Soooo many videos and other stuff. I also crashed for several hours and it’s 3 AM. Now I am awake and idfk what to do.

    -Allēna

  • Abdomen, we have a problem.

    And by “problem”, I mean “the possibility of an ovarian cyst”.

    I didn’t sleep well last night and as such slept through most of the morning and into the early afternoon because fuck this particular noise with a cactus.

    I’ve never had an ovarian cyst before that I know of, but anything to do with the reproductive organs and this fucking body hurts like a bitch. This is no exception.

    I’ll be back later when I’ve received caffeine, more sleep, or both. Which means the next post will likely be tomorrow. At least there are cute cats here..

    -Allēna

  • The world is a lot right now.

    In all honesty, our phone is on Do Not Disturb to avoid the constant onslaught of news and we are messaging very few people to preserve spoons.

    One of us (I forget who) saw a post a few days ago that talked about how a therapist was saying that a desire to build an off grid self sustaining farm and never come back to society was a manifestation of exhaustion and burnout, and whoever it was felt so called out that they almost started crying.

    You don’t say that it’s a manifestation of exhaustion and fucking burnout, anonymous therapist! Society is fucking exhausting! Why do you think I rarely front around most people? They fucking exhaust me and burn me out!

    I would do unholy things for an off grid, self sustaining farm if this body weren’t fucking allergic to the outdoors.

    I know my body couldn’t handle the work to maintain it, let alone the lack of infrastructure, etc., and that  fucking kills me. So I settle for being a housebound art gremlin in the city with hopefully half decent OpSec.

    No amount of money can fix this particular yearning of ours, sadly. What’s the point of having money to buy land for a self sustaining farm if you can’t fucking work the farm without killing yourself? And what’s the point in having money for a farm even if other people you love lived on it with you if you can’t go outside eighty percent of the year to enjoy it? Even if I wanted to simply sit outside, it would hurt me too badly for most of the year than the enjoyment would be worth.

    Unfortunately, we’re learning our limits, and that comes with a fair amount of grief.

    Fuck. This hurts. This hurts so bad.

    I’m gonna go grab a snack and nap or make art or something.

    -Castor