Open Sorcery

Category: Allēna’s Posts

  • If you are seeing this, especially if you are queer and/or trans:

    Congratulations on outliving

    LINDSEY FUCKING GRAHAM 🎉

    (and possibly Mitch McConnell, because there’s no fucking way that the photo of him and Elaine Chao that his office released yesterday was legit)

    -Allēna

  • I finally managed to post again on Patreon today.

    I was bored, so I put together two posts, and I’m so proud of the promo image I made for one of them that I’m going to put it here.

    No part of this image was made with AI. This is all human nonsense.

    I am debating on a shower. I will take my leave of you now.

    -Allēna

  • I wonder if the exhaustion of the last couple of days was human error,

    ie. I wonder if I forgot to take my H2 inhibitors because of bullshit object impermanence. Today was still difficult fatigue wise, but I had therapy and that helped. I also DEFINITELY REMEMBERED TO TAKE MY FUCKING MEDS.

    If I have, in fact, forgotten to take them for the past couple of days, that’s definitely something to put down in my hypothetical future snarky memoir How to Win At Life because go me, F for my brainhole. Huzzah. Object impermanence wins again. Fuck my gay ass life 🤣

    -Allēna

  • I’ve been so tired

    that I could barely respond to the wonderful  messages people have been sending me on a lovely new app that Emerson and Hawthorne put me onto called Roost, and I still couldn’t get to all of them. I feel bad, but resting is important. The emotional and physical toll of the past…yes must be catching up to me.

    It’s also been six years to the day since my headmate Peri left our ex-husband, Fang, although she wouldn’t leave for Texas until July 11 (Alaska time), so that may be also contributing to the exhaustion somewhat. July seems to be the month of life-altering decisions and plot twist insanity, whether it was Peri leaving Fang, Eight leaving for Philly a year and some later, him starting the relationship for the first time with Zelda the year after that (I can’t quite recall the date of their anniversary, though, but I know it was late July/early August), or my massive seizures that were a major contributing factor in us leaving Zelda that also happened a year ago today, not to mention me finally divorcing Fang officially last year on July 23. So it’s a heavy month for a lot of reasons, full of life changes and memories and grief.

    I will admit that I’m fully anticipating tragedy in some form this month given the seizures last year, or some other kind of major upheaval, but I don’t know what it will be and that scares me and that could also be contributing to my fatigue…

    We’ll see what happens, I guess. I’ll keep y’all posted, as always.

    -Allēna

  • I wish I could say I’ve been resting,

    and I have been, physically, for the most part.

    But things between Emerson and I have been a lot less tempestuous and a lot less stressful since he had his surgery, to such a degree that I’ve been able to work through my own emotional backlog for what feels like the first time in years, and I would LOVE to stop having soul crushing realizations for one day. Please.

    -Allēna

  • Today was nice until it wasn’t.

    I monuMENTALLY fucked up during a conversation with Juneau about an hour ago. I don’t want to go into detail but I feel really sad about it and also really guilty for feeling really sad about it because I don’t think I have any right to because I’m the one who fucked up. So I don’t really know what else to say here (or at all) since it feels like my mind has run completely out of words?

    So I’m going to disappear for awhile and feel my feelings without making them anyone else’s problem.

    -Allēna

  • Emerson’s surgery went so well!

    He is home and recuperating. I was so worried.

    I am going to likely crash for….the foreseeable future, so if y’all don’t hear all that much from me and my posts are rather short, these past few weeks have been brutally stressful and I am broken levels of tired. So…

    Goodnight, y’all 💛 I hope you get some rest yourselves. You deserve it.

    -Allēna

  • I crashed for most of today.

    Emerson has surgery in a couple of hours, so I am probably going to try to get some sleep, if I am able, then see him off if I can wake up for it.

    I had a great time facilitating Better Together, though. I gave everyone a prompt about coded language in poetry and everyone took it in WILDLY different directions. It was great.

    -Allēna

  • I had my feature at Showcase Onstage today!

    It was fucking insaaaaane. I did “guernica I and II” from memory and “A Weapon” and “To Dance With A Cyclone” (also from memory), and then closed out with “hurricane lazarus”, which seems to be my signature piece.

    I only posted “to dance with a cyclone” so far, because I started to get a really bad headache and I think I almost passed out during the performance because I went so damn hard.

    It is time to crash and do similar things tomorrow.

    -Allēna

  • I was out of the house almost all day.

    But I performed Guernica I and II from memory at the last Honeybee Sage open mic of the summer. I’ll probably post the video of it tomorrow. For now, however, I’m exhausted.

    Goodnight, y’all.

    -Allēna