Hello, gentle reader. My name is Hannibal. I am the main protector alter of the Ashley system. I see that my colleague Renn reviewed his favorite headshop the other day, and I am going to follow in his esteemed footsteps, though my review will be…how shall I put this? Different. Much different. We’ve lived in Milwaukee for about three years and we’ve eaten at some shady restaurants here in our time, and have heard some bad things from the staff. We’re a system full of social butterflies, and kitchen staff talk. So we have become a clearinghouse for a lot of the local gossip and we know where to frequent and where to avoid. But none of the dirt on the other restaurants compares to a supposedly upscale “speakeasy” in Whitefish Bay, a northern suburb of Milwaukee, Moxie Food + Drink.

Is What You’re About To Tell Me About Moxie Food + Drink Hearsay? Possibly. You Be The Judge, Though.

Much of what I shall tell you we heard directly from one of the kitchen managers at Moxie Food + Drink themself, our ex partner, Zelda. This restaurant struggled from the ashes of a now defunct restaurant owned by the same couple that owns Moxie, Trouble and Sons. Trouble closed due to supposed “staffing issues”, the probable cause of which I shall discuss in a moment. Much of the staff from Trouble transferred to Moxie after Trouble shut down, and the owners are still paying on the building that housed Trouble, and the same staffing issues that plagued them still haunt Moxie, and the owners are cutting corners wherever they can in order to stop this remaining venture from going under. This includes things that will be absolutely illegal if they don’t fix them soon. I’ll cite them in a later paragraph after I discuss the staffing issues.

Now, About Those Staffing Issues…

Word from Zelda has it that the owners are extremely nepotistic and play favorites. If you aren’t their favorite, they bully and undercut you and seemingly try to get you to quit so that they don’t have to pay you unemployment. As a result, there’s a high degree of turnover. If you are their favorite, you can do no wrong. However, the owners are fickle and their favorites can change completely arbitrarily. They’re constantly trying to hire more people, and the pay is horrible because again, they’re trying desperately to keep their business afloat. No wonder they have staffing issues. My sisters in Christ, it’s almost like YOU CAUSED THEM!

Zelda has also noticed that they have a tendency to promote their current favorites and leave the rest of the staff to drown. However, since money is so tight, they don’t even have the money to even support their favorites.

For example, Zelda is one of their current favorites. They work them to the bone. At one point recently, the owners scheduled them for three weeks straight without a single day off. And then when they did finally get a day off, they kept getting called in because the kitchen is so eternally short staffed.

Additionally, the owners asked Zelda to earn their ServSafe certification. They did so, took the test for it and everything. However, the owners still have yet to pay for them to get their official ServSafe certification as promised. It has been several months at this point, and he’s still received nothing.

Now For The Real Fire: Moxie Food + Drink’s Future Federal Labor Board Violations (Assuming They Don’t Clean Up Their Act)

Dearest reader, you recall how I said that money was tight for the owners because Trouble closed down? They’re going to be in heaps of trouble with the Federal Department of Labor if they don’t pay Zelda and Zelda’s co-manager significantly more by July 1 and even more than that by January 1, 2025, per a new rule by the Biden-Harris Administration this year. However, per their contract, they are not eligible for a raise until next February at the earliest.

Zelda is also required to work far more than their contract requires because their co-manager gets even more special treatment from the owners (see: nepotism) and is paid hourly and doesn’t work more than his contract says he should, often leaving Zelda hanging in the process. Zelda is salaried and often works far more than the fifty hour cap that their contract dictates, covering shifts for an already deeply short-staffed kitchen. I am not certain if that is legal or not, but they’re certainly working themselves to death.

What About Moxie Food + Drink’s Food? Is It Any Good?

Eh. I’m not a fan of a lot of Moxie Food + Drink’s menu. Granted, they have to cater to the rather bland upper class Whitefish Bay palate, but seriously, I can only stand about three things on their menu, and two of those things are desserts, which aren’t even made in-house. The other is their short rib, which is actually delicious. So they get points for that, at least. I want to learn to make a better short rib, though. I bet I could improve the recipe pretty easily.

Before you ask about their alcohol, I wouldn’t know. I don’t drink. The system has been sober for about six months. Zelda would know, though. If you see them around, you should ask. They’re a somewhat functional alcoholic in the loosest sense of the term, and they often show up to work late because they’re hungover and drank themself into a stupor the night before. I don’t know if they’ll even get a raise with that kind of behavior, though they seem to be the most competent person in Moxie Food + Drink’s kitchen. Now that is a scary thought..

Conclusion

If I could give Moxie Food + Drink negative stars, I would. The dirt on this place is richer than six feet up a bull’s ass, though. If you have too much money to blow, enjoy bland food, and want a good laugh at an obvious sinking ship, eat at Moxie.

As always, stay tuned for more magic!

-Hannibal