“untitled still life (2019)”
I don't want to give names
to your fistfuls of hollow
coffee cup still half full, overturned
baroque broken words, reaching for something
that forever seems older
than you or I in every language
well run dry, and yet
despite yourself
each moment in atemporal space
teeming with life
when we met, I
wanted to drink myself into the ground,
an inelegant death like hemingway perhaps
after bleeding worlds onto ten thousand pages
inspired by black coffee and gin
I'm sober now and you're still empty glasses,
the smell of pages, wine
and cigarettes after two years of silence
I can still vanish into the liquor darkness of you
without ever tasting a drop
I don't want to die anymore
(most days)
and perhaps I am a fool
for wandering through your still life fortress of
melancholy
but you keep coming back to me,
three hundred year old moment
or perhaps you are a memory
I've never been good at untangling how I feel
and some days I feel like I am made of iron
but today I feel like nothing more than glass -
Allēna 3/1/2026
Blog
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“still life (2019)”
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I’ve been loving this song lately.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=PzM72EsnZLY&si=QcOTDNPCXnL2evEQ
-Allēna
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Well, Ashley decided to be a motherfucker.
He went through SEVERAL old accounts and dug up THE ABSOLUTE MOTHERLODE of old music (we’re talking like 5+ years old) and elected to post some of his finds on social media like a gremlin.
So, fuck it. I’m gonna post something he dug up.
This is a rework I did when I was 19 of a song from my EP Nothing Will Keep Us Together.
This is the ✨electrified✨ version of “Pull Us Under”. Enjoy.
And to my family members who called it boring, they can suck it. One day I’ll finish electrifying this extended play and it’ll be over for you motherfuckers.
-Allēna
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Soooooo
my husband got paid today. Unfortunately, with the additional cost of adding us to our health insurance, we are only able to pay rent. We need to legally be able to register our car by March 1 and get it insured, which costs an arm
and a leg and pay for our phone bill and streaming services. Can anyone help out with the rest of bills? We have a lot to cover ($889 USD) but anything helps, even $5 here or there. ✨ I’m gonna put our pay links below:
PayPal: trinrigel@gmail.com
Cashapp: $persephonejam
Venmo: opensorceryy
Again, anything helps. This is a desperate situation, as we rely on this car for just about everything and these are dangerous times that we live in. If we get the car registered and insured, my husband will be able to access better job opportunities. Your contributions, even interacting with this thread and sharing it, will be helping a queer, disabled couple access a better future.
I’m willing to make art for anyone who contributes $30 USD or more, write a poem for anyone who contributes $50 USD or more, or do a card reading for anyone who contributes $30 or more. If you contribute $200 or more, I will build you a website. Please email me at magoadportas@gmail.com to claim your service.-Ashley
Fediverse reactions
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Hera is canonically open source now.
This makes her SO much cooler than she actually is IRL 🤣🤣
-Allēna
#hera #opensource #roast #responsevideo
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I couldn’t figure out my cross posting program for fucking EVERRRRR,
so have this process video for a new art piece I made a few days ago to celebrate me getting my shit together lol
-Allēna
#digitalart #synesthesia #hotpink #unseriousart #digitalpainting #queerart #intuitiveart #transmasc
Fediverse reactions
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Opensource Fuckup Fix of the Year so far:
I could not for the LIFE of me find out why TF OpenVibe wasn’t posting to the frontend of my blog anymore for MONTHS until I got this message from the plugin when I signed back in.
Ffs, Lēna….
#openvibe
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On people crawling out of the woodwork…
Eight’s ex, Juneau, resurfaced a few days ago. They broke up a whole bunch of times, most recently in early 2023 after a series of events beginning with what we now call Kiragate and ending with his polycule splitting in half over him dumping his ex, Leigh, and refusing to pick a side in the months-long conflict between his then-partner Sol and best friend at the time, whom we will call Birch. Juneau took the contingent who had bonded with Leigh and Sol in the divorce, as it were. You can read more about that situation here. We call all of this the Great Schism of 2022-23.
He’s popped up a few times since then, but given Eight’s history with him and the fact that they would break up, get back together, and break up again over the years over a variety of things, he ended up blocked on most everything. He reached out via a comment on our old LiveJournal blog that I had honestly half forgotten about since I mostly post here these days.
He didn’t know whether I was alive or not and he wasn’t sure if I was going to even respond. I responded because the fact that he’s popped back up after all this time made me laugh. He also added me on Snapchat. I despise that app, so I ended up giving him my number.
I asked Hawthorne if he’d also reached out to them, and weirdly enough, he had.
I’m wondering what the fuck he wants…
-Allēna
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I painted more today!
This piece is called Dreamweaver: Sylphium.
I’ve been posting Reels and TikToks three times daily to try and grow my accounts, and I challenged myself to make my three daily videos about it. Much to my surprise, I was able to do that. I’m usually much more camera shy and I find it very difficult to talk about my work and process, but it’s getting easier the more that I post.
Today is also the 28th anniversary of surviving our stroke, which we call Brainhole, and Emerson surprised me with cake! It’s mostly eaten now, but it said “congration” on it 🤣.
Here’s to staying alive to make more art.
-Allēna