you have taken the world that I was
and left me empty
craving
longing
is there anything that I can use to fill the chasm
on the side of the bed where you once slept
I stumble home
if I can even still call it that
for in the taking, you
took more than just yourself
you took everything that meant something to me
from this space and left it ruined
just like me
now even the flies are starving
sobs wrack my threadbare chest
everyone that I once knew is turning
away from me and into their own personal
darkness, tired
can you come back and give me anything
even undo me again
please
-Allēna 1/11/2026
Blog
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“supplication”
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Eight made this three years ago, I think.
It’s based off our song “Ten Million Nevers“, which was released in 2017. It gets more and more eerily timely with every passing year.
-Allēna
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I wrote this today.
It’s called “the denouement”. It’s about Zelda.
13 years
13 years
I peered through the bars of
your wintry love into the flame
and I saw the future
laying on the kitchen floor in 2022 -
13 years
13 years and decreasing -
I declared to you
that you'd see the end of it all
but not much more
11 years
10
you fancy yourself inimitable
invincible
sophomoric survivor
but you drink your rage and heartbreak
9 years
9 years
I know the signs of alcohol poisoning from
watching my first husband
watching my father
8 years –
you terrified me the first time
scarcely a week in
7 years
and you cheated the first time when
we’d barely been together for two months
I thought I could finally rest
fucking fool was I
6 years
6 years left
I watch you try to outrun your demons
again
again
again
but they've always been faster
or perhaps you've always loved them more
than you could ever love me
5 years
4 years
and I watch the tests roll in
I know how it goes
first the heart
then the kidneys
then the liver
then the rest
then the cash out, the flare out
alone
when you are spent
who will be there to catch you
except the bottom of the bottle?-Allēna
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Emerson and I saw the film Amadeus today at the Oriental Theater here in town.
It was honestly badass to watch it again with a great set of speakers on the big screen in such an awesome venue. 💛
-Allēna
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I had my long expected neurology appointment today.
Based on the EEG and observations, the seizures look nonepileptic, but we’re getting an MRI on the 28th just in case and to establish a new baseline on the Brainhole anyway. The poor, sweet doctor was taken aback when I attempted to describe the differences in feeling between the right and left sides of my body. I don’t think he’d seen anything like it yet.
Overall things went pretty well. He also suggested keeping a headache diary, so if I have a bad headache that day, I’ll do my best to write it down here, as well as what I think the trigger is.
-Allēna
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I performed at Linneman’s last night and it went phenomenally!
I was so scared before and after that my chest felt like it had been hit with a frying pan, though..
-Allēna
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I feel like I finally made a breakthrough in my fatigue today.
I also finally finished the movie Arrival and I’m currently watching the Imitation Game. Emerson and I are taking turns with the TV every other night so we can both watch what we want to watch without one of us hogging the TV for too long.
Emerson also made a take on tom kha soup for dinner after falling in love with it at a restaurant the other night.
-Allēna
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Emerson and I managed to pay a visit to our favorite witchy shop today.
It’s called Tres Ojos and it’s lovely.
Other than that I’m still exhausted and I wish I weren’t..
-Allēna