Stop. Don’t make me break out the Sorcery on you.
Sincerely,
-Lazarus, aka. The Management.
Tag: chronic illness
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Unraveling: A Zine
I made my first zine today because I was bored and needed a vent. If you want a copy of your own, it’s free to download over here!
I hope you enjoyed this zine! I had a lot of fun making it.
-Castor
Fediverse Reactions
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The world is a lot right now.
In all honesty, our phone is on Do Not Disturb to avoid the constant onslaught of news and we are messaging very few people to preserve spoons.
One of us (I forget who) saw a post a few days ago that talked about how a therapist was saying that a desire to build an off grid self sustaining farm and never come back to society was a manifestation of exhaustion and burnout, and whoever it was felt so called out that they almost started crying.
You don’t say that it’s a manifestation of exhaustion and fucking burnout, anonymous therapist! Society is fucking exhausting! Why do you think I rarely front around most people? They fucking exhaust me and burn me out!
I would do unholy things for an off grid, self sustaining farm if this body weren’t fucking allergic to the outdoors.
I know my body couldn’t handle the work to maintain it, let alone the lack of infrastructure, etc., and that fucking kills me. So I settle for being a housebound art gremlin in the city with hopefully half decent OpSec.
No amount of money can fix this particular yearning of ours, sadly. What’s the point of having money to buy land for a self sustaining farm if you can’t fucking work the farm without killing yourself? And what’s the point in having money for a farm even if other people you love lived on it with you if you can’t go outside eighty percent of the year to enjoy it? Even if I wanted to simply sit outside, it would hurt me too badly for most of the year than the enjoyment would be worth.
Unfortunately, we’re learning our limits, and that comes with a fair amount of grief.
Fuck. This hurts. This hurts so bad.
I’m gonna go grab a snack and nap or make art or something.
-Castor
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I’m so tired today.
But at least I’m pretty sure that what I’m feeling is complex grief about, well, everything, and burnout as a result.
Checkmate, alexithymia.
I’m gonna try my best to take it slow today. I just feel like I have very little to give to anyone and have felt that way for awhile.
-Allēna
Fediverse Reactions
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The Art of Bitching
Well, this is an interesting prompt.
What do you complain about the most?
I tend to complain a lot about anything that’s difficult or exhausting for me while in the process of doing it. It helps me bypass my executive dysfunction and my deeply rooted perfectionism, which often makes it damn near physically painful to get out of my blanket lump, so cussing about having to do the task makes the task doable.
It’s one of the joys I have discovered in adulthood, as when I was a child and teen, I was often made to do things without showing a hint of displeasure. My parents insisted that I did everything they wanted “with a cheerful heart”. So I often did, but gave them hell the rest of the time and would find ways to maliciously comply with that rule while doing the task. They learned pretty early that the only way to get me to do anything that I didn’t really give a shit about well was to pay me a king’s ransom 🤣. But now that I am away from them and better for it, I bitch about damn near everything that I have to do that doesn’t involve being cocooned in a blanket lump while in the process of getting shit done.
I don’t mind being productive, for the record. I actually quite enjoy it. It just hurts a lot of the time. Bitching about the task at hand gets me to start the process of being productive, and I highly recommend it.
How do y’all get shit done?
-Allēna
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RIP my guts, I suppose.
I seem to have come down with some kind of stomach bug. Given that norovirus is going around, I’m on my period, and I have no fucking immune system when my period hits, it’s probably noro.
YAY.
Send memes. Or more Pepto-Bismol.
-Allēna
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Well, it’s almost 7:30 AM, I’m nauseated, so I’ve been doing some light reading.
And it appears that there are more people who also said “fuck it” to systems in play going on in the world right now and are also rolling with the punches while trying to build better ways of doing things. One of those people is English professor Jem Bendell. I’m not sure yet if I agree with everything he’s doing/believes in (but then again, do you ever?) because I’m still exploring and contemplating all that he has to say, but he did publish a fascinating piece on his site back in February 2024 about deep adaptation to climate crisis, massive social change, and collapse, and how sometimes saying fuck it and making a huge life change in light of all of that is the least risky option.
Given everything that’s going on politically here in the States, I think it’s well worth the read and to do some thinking about, even if you don’t agree with most or all of what he says.
Cool shit.
-Allēna
Fediverse Reactions
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Wait, You’re Telling Me I Can Be PAID to Take The Train If I Make Enough Of A Stink About Flying?!
Reblog via Climate News Now
This Italian climate researcher was fired for refusing to fly – now he’s won compensation.
The researcher hopes his case will inspire others to try flight-free travel. #ClimateChange
Oh, please, Italian climate researcher. Teach my grumpy crippled ass your legendary ways. If there is anything I love doing, it’s bitching corporations the fuck out AND traveling places by train. Just ask my darlings Emerson and Lumine. They know the lengths I would go and the angry letters I would write to be able to Take The Damn Train. Beat me, make me write bad checks. Or angry letters. Or make angry phone calls. Just…. Trains, my BELOVED…
Anywho, that’s enough train posting. For now. Stay tuned for more magic, when and where I feel like it. ✨🤣🪕
-Lazarus
Fediverse Reactions
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The Trials and Tribulations of Caffeine
Hey, everyone. Lazarus here. Unfortunately, I think the caffeine pills I was taking were raising my blood pressure enough to give me chronic migraines again. My body is extremely weird. So caffeine, or at least THAT form of caffeine, is likely off the table. I had to take a migraine rescue med earlier today and lay down for a nap earlier because I was experiencing a very strange aura and didn’t want to take any chances fucking around and finding out with either a migraine OR worse, a seizure. Ergo, it was brain scrambly migraine med induced naptime and yours truly conked the ever living fuck out. Whee.
Further testing is required to determine whether or not all caffeine makes the Brainhole feel like shit or just the caffeine pills. Gotta love being chronically ill with a body even doctors have no clue how to treat sometimes. Yayyyy.
Now that I’m awake from my nap and have written all of this down, it’s time for the holy trinity of pain meds that I know DON’T induce horrific migraines and to find some form of food. I did manage to save the grocery order yesterday with less damage to my body than I thought I would take so far. However, things are still up in the air on that, considering today’s migraine ordeal and possible symptoms of a low grade fever. So, stand by for more details on whether or not that little glass cannon maneuver got me sick with what my loves caught. I would rather get sick for a few days than have our food stolen, though. Milwaukee is a batshit town. Hide your food, kids. There are porch pirates out here. 🤣
Have some memes in honor of my batshittery.
Stay tuned for more magic. And/or delirium. There is a strong possibility of that.
-Lazarus
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I Am Become Migraine
Hello, everyone. Lazarus here. 2/3rds of my local polycule has come down with some kind of illness and I may have overcaffeinated these past few days because I have been navigating a nasty ocular migraine as best as I am physically able. That being said, I’m likely going to have to throw my body into Hulk mode in a couple hours in twelve degree Fahrenheit weather here in a bit to bring our grocery order inside as I’m the only one around to do it. So I’ve taken to calling myself the Glass Cannon because you can either laugh or cry about life with chronic illnesses, I suppose. Today, I’m choosing to laugh. And blog. That, too. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
Have a round of shitposts and memes to “celebrate” this most dubious occasion.
Stay tuned for more magic. Once more unto the breach! SAVE THE GROCERIES!
-Lazarus, aka the Glass Cannon 🤣✨🪕
