Open Sorcery

Tag: MadMastodon

  • I’m bored, so have a collection of memes that describe my headmate Castor.

    He’s the system’s original host, and is known for showing up, giving Zero Fucks, Saying Very Cryptic Things, and then disappearing again.

    What a fucking guy.

    -Lazarus

  • Sorry I don’t have more cat pictures or anything for y’all today.

    The more I sit with the realization that what my system is dealing with is complex grief about the state of the world and life and things, the more it feels like I’m swimming in an ocean of just… Sadness. I’m safe, it’s just a lot to feel. Hence why I’m writing here. I don’t really know how else to begin deeply processing emotion beyond writing, and I’m feeling the grief so somatically that I don’t have the energy to talk to people individually about it. So I figure word vomiting here is a good place to start.

    I have lost so much. We as a society could have had so much in this past election cycle (Kamala Harris wasn’t great but she sure as fuck wasn’t this) and while I’ve seen TRUE bone chilling right wing terror as an ex Mormon.. This is pretty fucking terrifying. Everyone was warned and they didn’t listen. My system actually foresaw much of this. So we’re just mourning what could have been while trying to do the work, trying to keep our heads above water… And I am tired, deep down in my soul.

    And this realization has led me to sit with the grief and the pain of being chronically ill, psychologically tortured, and often isolated before the election, and I’m doing another round of processing that, too. It feels in a way like I’m falling down a bottomless well of pain and grief. Or maybe I never stopped falling down that fucking well.

    I’m not sure. Either way, it seems to help me breathe a little easier to put words to it however I can. I want to cry. I feel like I need to cry. But I haven’t been able to yet. So I’m just gonna keep working through things in my mind until I’m able to open the floodgates, I suppose. Everything fucking physically hurts in the meantime.

    I’m not going to give up the fight, though. I don’t see the situation here as hopeless. There’s a lot of good happening amidst the bad, and I’m not suicidal or anything. I’m just badly in need of rest and time to sit with this further, so that’s what I’m gonna do.

    Signing off for now,

    -Allēna

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  • HE’S JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL 🤣🤣🤣

    One of my crushes sent me this and it basically hit me in the damn soul and I started crying laughing and had to share it here.

    If I don’t know you or trust you, I would rather do ANYTHING ELSE than acknowledge that you’ve just flirted with me, but believe me, I know, and believe me, I’m Fucking Panicking. Often for YEARS. OOOPS 🤣

    I do really like this guy, though…

    -Lazarus

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  • The Art of Bitching

    Well, this is an interesting prompt.

    What do you complain about the most?

    I tend to complain a lot about anything that’s difficult or exhausting for me while in the process of doing it. It helps me bypass my executive dysfunction and my deeply rooted perfectionism, which often makes it damn near physically painful to get out of my blanket lump, so cussing about having to do the task makes the task doable.

    It’s one of the joys I have discovered in adulthood, as when I was a child and teen, I was often made to do things without showing a hint of displeasure. My parents insisted that I did everything they wanted “with a cheerful heart”. So I often did, but gave them hell the rest of the time and would find ways to maliciously comply with that rule while doing the task. They learned pretty early that the only way to get me to do anything that I didn’t really give a shit about well was to pay me a king’s ransom 🤣. But now that I am away from them and better for it, I bitch about damn near everything that I have to do that doesn’t involve being cocooned in a blanket lump while in the process of getting shit done.

    I don’t mind being productive, for the record. I actually quite enjoy it. It just hurts a lot of the time. Bitching about the task at hand gets me to start the process of being productive, and I highly recommend it.

    How do y’all get shit done?

    -Allēna

  • In all seriousness,

    I was thinking about my post from earlier.

    And I sort of wonder what would happen if we all decided to open our windows at a certain designated time (say, 1 PM local) and simply unleash a blood curdling screech. Would a collective Daily Scream make the world a better place? Would that improve people’s mental health? I don’t know. But it’s ideas like this that I think may be worth trying.

    Food for thought, perhaps?

    -Castor

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  • I was clicking around the blog after months in a dormancy coma and I’ve gotta say…

    I love what my headmates have done with the place.

    Pretty neat.

    Have Allēna’s and Eight’s masterpiece album Mago as a treat before you go. If you’re finding the system via the MadMastodon tag or related ones, I think you’ll like what it has to say. It’s all about deconstructing a high control faith, surviving psychiatry and long term abuse, and finding ourselves. Enjoy.

    -Castor (he/it), the system’s original host.

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