Open Sorcery

Tag: strokesurvivor

  • The 27th anniversary of our stroke is today.

    We call it Brainhole.

    Mirthy Brainhole to you and yours.

    There may be cake today. TBD??

    -Allēna

  • Object impermanence thoughts..

    When we were younger, Xavier would often help us clean up our room and things because we would find it extremely overwhelming due to the sheer amount of crap we had (and frankly didn’t need or want in hindsight) and the fact that we would forget where we put the shit we did want five minutes later.

    So he’d have us make up our bed and use it as a staging area, gently but firmly guiding us through sorting our things into piles of shit to throw away, shit to file in certain cabinets, and generally keeping us on task as a body double. It was much easier to clean that way.

    He wouldn’t yell, he’d crack jokes and tell stories, he was a great person to clean with. He himself was neurodivergent to shit and his office was quite often a wreck, but the man was a goddamned genius and he was one of the only people who could motivate me in particular calmly.

    Memories of cleaning with him are some of the only fond memories of doing chores we have. Most of the rest are very traumatic and unpleasant.

    I got to thinking about cleaning with him because I just dumped my afternoon dose of meds out on my bed to see what I was doing better, using the bed as a staging area like he used to do with me..

    I miss him.

    -Allēna

  • What’s this? Another prompt I want to actually take somewhat seriously?

    Who are your favorite people to be around?

    People who are straightforward, honest, and the only bullshit they give me is the joking kind. Preferably, they can see shit about me that I can’t, and can do shit that I can’t without making me feel like shit for it. They don’t talk my ear off constantly about meaningless shit and believe that words have as much power as actions and use both in tandem.

    I’m very picky about the people I surround myself with, and it’s a high bar because I have made peace with solitude most days, being mostly housebound and all, to the point where if I prefer being alone more than I enjoy spending time with a person, I simply won’t engage with them if I don’t have to. I am too tired and have too much shit to do (as well as people I actually like) to pay the people I dislike much mind. My energy is precious and I don’t have much of it. So I do my best to use it wisely. My favorite people get that and go to great lengths to help me protect the little energy I have.

    I’m not proud of a lot of the way my life has gone, and there’s a lot that happened that’s entirely outside of my control. However, I’m damn proud of the fact that I picked great people.

    -Allēna

  • Our brainhole is just one big hall of mirrors sometimes.

    #strokesurvivor #didsystem #NEISvoid #chronicfatigue #eepy

    -Allēna