trans – Open Sorcery

the moment hits you like a cannon blast

// title taken from “vanish canvas” by erra

Hi, all.

I’m so sorry for my prolonged absence. This site has been down for an extended period of time and I’ve been unable to post. I’m making use of its uptime to post while I can, clean out spam comments, update plugins, what have you so that hopefully it’s down less frequently.

It seems like nothing and everything has been happening all at once. I feel like I’ve been in a deep cocoon in my head since late June trying to make sense of who I am now after the last five years or so. I have been taking an extended hiatus from posting videos on social media due to burnout as well as explicit and detailed threats on my and my system’s life. Going viral like this in January was somewhat accidental, and I never truly intended to be a public figure of this magnitude, despite how inevitable it’s seemed since for pretty much our entire life.

So we’ve been resting and trying to make sense of where our life has gone, as well as where as it’s going now. I love Milwaukee and I fully intend to stay here for as long as the city and its people will have me, something I would never have said back when we started this blog, and we have some interesting things in the works, like an interview on the radio on October, a workshop in November, and a feature already lined up around our birthday next year.

I’m not sure when we’re going to get back into making short form content. When the time is right or we have something funny to say, we’ll jump back in. But now doesn’t feel like that time. I don’t feel funny anymore. I feel like a character in some lost Christopher Nolan footage, or something. (Hi, Mr. Nolan – if you read this, please consider setting and shooting a film in Milwaukee!!)

Okay, maybe I feel darkly funny, at best – which is our specialty.

Stay tuned for more magic, which is coming.

-Allēna

Fediverse Reactions

July 30, 2026

So I hear y’all like TTRPGs on here.

My poetry writing TTRPG is included in the bundle that just went live today (I’ll include a widget so you can find it directly), and I’ll post links to examples of poems I’ve written using it as well.

The TTRPG:

Some examples:

One
Two – “letter to theseus”
Three
Four – “a brief inquiry into the shape of time”
Five – “sin eater”
Six – “ariadne’s thread”
Seven – “queer pressure”

All six of these poems were written using Infinite Poems, and it’s helped me become a better poet and writer overall. I hope it helps y’all, too. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, tag me in what you make, and share this with your friends, foes, and anyone still under review!

-Allēna

August 3, 2025

y’all get a two for one special tonight. this one’s called “queer pressure”.

after careful consideration, i have determined

that i didn’t know what it was like to put space between the 
world and me, so i held everything and everyone at
an artificial distance while seeing too close, held everything
i ever earned in a vise grip and let myself slip into
the grip of my vices

i stared into the void so long that it blinked before i did 
and then i mistook the deep nothing of it for your eyes
until there was nothing left but a deep, deep hole

here’s the thing about an addiction, though -
admitting you have it is the first step toward vindication

-Allēna 8/2/2025

August 3, 2025

this one is called “sin eater”.

i think you seared ghosts into my bones
down deep into the marrow

and time may be round, but i am forced to remain here
suffering, as all of time’s rivers and streams flow back into me
and the specters of all the things you whispered and lies you screamed
are made to ride with me too

i am not religious, but i am spiritual
and i am your confessor, always have been, 
and i worry i always will be 
grayscale, amoral, atemporal priest of these jagged streets
i am the one person who will never forgive you
no matter how hard you try to forget me

where can i go and who can i turn to
who can unmake, unbaptize, undo what you did to me
when you already tried me by fire and inducted me 
into your thorny order? so this is my confession:
i didn’t want this, no matter how much you think i needed it
and this life of yours? you can keep it

-Allēna 8/2/2025

August 3, 2025

“to be the lightning”

when the lightning strikes me back
and my cracked-cup mind can no longer hold
all the subtle fire it’s meant to contain
find me at the edge of a cold, dark place

i wanted to be the lightning,
not simply the bearer of it, 
but sometimes both dream and nightmare
outpace me and i cannot find my way home

so if the world begins to slant 
remind my parched mouth
that i am both cupbearer and bitter wine
reforge both sides of my twisted spine

when the lightning 
strikes 
me 
back

-Allēna 7/31/2025

Fediverse Reactions

August 1, 2025

I wrote this at the poetry workshop I went to today:

i'm not sorry for the wisdom that pours out of me, breaking through the cracks, bursting at the seams
i'm one of the rare few that can love to the point of invention, but believe me, I can hate to the point of invention, unapologetically
and i'm not sorry for being myself -
a gordian knot, a bois d'arc tree,
a technicolor, queer, living scream you
could never even begin to hope to parse, cut down to size in
thirteen lifetimes.
i've danced in the space between life and death more times than
you've ever given yourself permission to live
and you will never destroy me, not even in death.
the empires i've built and burned
out of beauty and rage, the space i've claimed and wars i've waged
to create who i am when you don't even know who you are - and you are twice my age... i'm not sorry for that.
i've grown around you. i've loved around you. i've rested around you. i've learned that i didn't fucking deserve any of what you did to me. and i'm not sorry.
you should be.

July 27, 2025

This one is called “resurrection.” -Allēna

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