This is “I Was The Sun” from my record Primrose Path (2017, rerecorded 2023) live at Poet’s Monday.
Blog
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We wrote object poems in workshop today.
faceless blessings in disguise
looking askance at gift horses
with bejeweled eyes
are they empty or full to the brim
do I hoard them
or do I give them away
is it finally my time to come out of hiding
after all the time that was stolen from me
this little thing is winking at me offscreen
I think it's telling me everything is gonna be alright
but that's what they said before
and if I stuck them in a lineup their dead eyes would all glint the same
people told me when I
got up from the piano bench that fame
would be inevitable
I was always going to be someone
I was always going to do something
(as if I wasn't already a gift)
time after time I tried to run
time after time I tried to just be
dissolve into winter nights and simply be
unremarkable with the man I swore I had chosen
but what I know of myself is in the doing
all I know of myself is in what I choose to give
away
I let the rest of myself die
collapsed into dead star self hatred
lost somewhere deep in kaleidoscopic shadow
The object I based the poem on. -Allēna 12/21/2025
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Well, I TRIED to perform at a domestic violence spoken word event my friend organized today.
But I got so fuckin triggered that I couldn’t do it, which honestly says a lot about how effective the writers and organizer were, and ended up eating my favorite Milwaukee comfort food, Mad Chicken, instead. Emerson was also a phenomenal comfort.
-Allēna
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We got a notice of termination of tenancy today.
This comes after asking our landlord for a written lease for over a year now.
We have to be out on or before January 31st officially now.
The language makes me wonder if it applies to the Zelda System as well, especially since the landlord sent a photo of it to a group chat with Emerson and Zelda.
-Allēna
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We weren’t able to make it to Linneman’s tonight.
Emerson is dealing with sick and I need to rest because of yesterday’s spills 😭
-Allēna
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I’m so tired. Today beat the shit out of me.
But I got a new pipe that makes me look like I’m in charge of something from Closet Classics. I love it.
-Allēna
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I got up WAAAAY too damn early this morning and only managed to score a nap at around 5 PM today.
I did, however, manage to do another pay what you can tarot reading and see my dear suitor, Austen, who I’ve mentioned here before. They are Emerson’s dear friend of 20+ years. It was a good day, albeit very tiring. Then I passed out for a couple of hours once I got home.
-Allēna