-Allēna
Blog
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I played around with a new form of poetry today at workshop.
This was the result:
It’s called a Giotto. I slightly modified the format, though.
I also scored a ukulele at this pay what you can rummage sale by singing for it.
Her name is Cecilia.
It’s been a good day so far.
-Allēna
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I had a wheelchair outing today.
Emerson and I figured out that my wheelchair collapses and we went to the orchid exhibit at the Milwaukee Domes. I did not get an orchid, but I did get a teeny tiny succulent 💛 He then set me loose on the way back to the car and I zoomed through the parking lot to from the Domes to the car. Then we went to get McDonald’s ice cream. Now we’re headed home. It’s been a nice day so far.
-Allēna
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Update on the Charlie Kirk investigation.
So it turns out that there WERE engravings on the ammunition used to assassinate Charlie Kirk, Utah governor Spencer Cox confirmed today, and there is a suspect in custody. His name is Tyler Robinson. I’ve seen a lot of posts claiming he is a Republican, but that’s just a rumor as far as I can tell. His family, from everything I’ve seen thus far, is.
Regarding the inscriptions themselves, the first and the last message are memes. The second and third are antifascist-related. “Bella Ciao” is an Italian anti-fascist folk song.
So no, he isn’t a Republican. But beyond his very apparent hatred for Charlie Kirk and usage of “Bella Ciao” and “hey, fascist, catch”, there isn’t much evidence suggesting he’s a leftist, either, on socials, in voter records, or otherwise.
Nonetheless, as I said in yesterday’s post, if you are a leftist, please stay safe out here. Right wingers have started putting up websites to doxx, harass, and threaten people allegedly “celebrating political violence”, most notably the site charliesmurderers(dot)com. I don’t want to link to the site directly in order to avoid being harassed or anyone else being harassed by association. We all deal with enough without having to deal with right wingers targeting us.
Stay tuned for more updates. I will keep following this.
-Allēna
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My analysis of the Charlie Kirk assassination so far.
As many of you may know, far right wing talking head Charlie Kirk was assassinated yesterday at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah.
I have as much empathy for this man as he publicly stated he had for others, but that isn’t the purpose of this post. I’m here today to break down what we know so far from my perspective.
Here are a few things that you need to know about me before I begin: I was raised in Texas by a doomsday prepping, gun loving man who taught me to find my way around a gun from practically the time I could walk. I then spent my first marriage with a man who loved guns arguably even more than he did. We even discussed entering long distance shooting competitions together as a sniper-spotter pair at one point. After I left him, I spent years learning how to get in and out of places so swiftly I learned to essentially disappear into thin air in broad daylight. Once I mastered that skill, I taught it to other people.
This shooter, whoever they are, is likely highly trained. They shot Kirk in the throat with a single, clean shot from a distance of approximately 200 yards at least from everything I’ve seen. No one else was hurt but Kirk, who was quite likely killed instantly.
I couldn’t have made that shot. I doubt my ex husband could have made that shot. We are both well trained, but not that well trained. There’s a difference between well trained and highly trained. This shooter is highly trained.
Additionally, police and the FBI did not catch the shooter at the event. They are still at large. Speaking from my experience getting in and out of places undetected, that is a skill set in and of itself, one that can be very difficult to master. So far, they have only caught “people of interest”. Statistically speaking, if they don’t have the actual shooter in their custody 24 hours after the shooting, they may never catch them, as most cases go cold 24 hours after the event if the perpetrator isn’t caught and is still in the wind by that time.
Finally, there was a high powered bolt action rifle uncovered near the scene with anti fascist and transgender ideology engraved in the ammunition. I worry for my community because it’s a pretty safe bet that there will be significant blowback for this, even if the FBI never catches the actual shooter. Right wingers will likely be out for blood and vengeance. Kirk was shot in the middle of spewing hate about trans people and alleged gang violence. His followers will likely be galvanized even more than they were before.
Please stay safe out there if you’re trans and a leftist.
Update as of 9/11/2025 8:28 PM Central Time:
It is now unclear whether or not there were any such engravings on the ammunition at all. The shooter appears to still be at large.
-Allēna
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With my back being fucky, it’s given me a lot of time to think.
There isn’t a lot I can do at present except stay in bed most of the time even if I would otherwise have the energy to move around and do things. When I do attempt to get out of bed and do things, my spine and hips start to scream again and that isn’t a good time for anyone. So I’ve been laying in bed and watching a lot of Scandal on Netflix again, since we got our subscription renewed a bit ago.
While I watch TV and sling memes and work on things online and around the house where I am able, it’s gotten me thinking a lot about the nature of rest as well as what it means to be reasonably able to do something. See, I am technically able to do a lot. I have the skills, knowledge, and in many cases, technical mastery necessary to perform many tasks. Whether I’m able to actually do these things, especially all at once or in a short amount of time without hurting or exhausting myself, is a completely different story, especially now. I think that’s how ability, in a compassionate world, should be defined: whether or not a person can accomplish a given task, without threat of significant harm to themselves and/or others around them.
It’s a similar case with rest for me. I don’t rest typically. My mind requires near constant stimulation, either by means of something like watching TV that makes me think, daydreaming, researching, writing, building this website, or by external means involving trusted people when I’m able to participate and they are also able and willing, like fun conversations, adventures, or performing poetry. If I get bored, that’s ALSO not a good time for anyone. I wouldn’t find relaxing on a beach somewhere any sort of rejuvenating at all, unfortunately. My brain has to be engaged in something I’m passionate about for me to feel like I’m resting, ironically.
Given the complicated intersections between my mental needs and physical disabilities, I find a lot of my community and stimulation online. I have since at least 2017. Hell, many of the people I know and love in person now I initially met online, because as I’ve worked through my agoraphobia and even worse physical pain and fatigue than this, it was one of the only ways I could meet people and keep in touch with them at all.
I suppose all of this is to say thank fuck for the Internet. It’s given gremlins like me a voice and a community and opportunities to have some semblance of a life that we wouldn’t have had before it came about. The Internet isn’t perfect and a lot of things are shit about the state of the world today, but I love my people. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Y’all make my life a little brighter every day.
How do y’all rest? How do you find community? What do you think it means to be reasonably able to do something?
You don’t have to be disabled and/or neurodivergent to answer, but I’m very curious to hear from disabled, neurodivergent, and other marginalized people especially. Let me know in the comments 💛
-Allēna
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✨ STORYTIME ✨
Because this bit of Family Lore truly deserves to be preserved for posterity.
One time my maternal grandfather nearly burnt down a church. This was an impressive feat, considering the church was, if I had to guess, a quarter mile away? However, my granddad is un fucking hinged and loves to burn trash, regardless of the weather conditions. One summer day, he was doing his usual routine after my grandmother kicked him out of the house for the day because he was “bored” and “needed a project”, in her words, and his idea of a “project” was, of course, letting the intrusive thoughts win and burning trash during a severe drought and resulting burn ban. No burn ban has ever stopped this old pyro. In fact, I think the burn bans make him want to burn MORE shit because hehe, fire, or something.
He conveniently “forgot” that there were aerosol cans in the burn barrels. Naturally, they exploded. Two scorched properties and a raging fucking inferno that almost reached the church on the third property down later, the fire department was called. They were left with no choice but to issue this mother fucker a ticket. Yes, you read that right. The fire department had to issue him a ticket. When the fireman in question flipped through his ticket book, he said to my grandfather, “…the last ticket we had to issue was to you.”
Some people just want to see the world burn. Or at least see several burn barrels full of trash and aerosol cans blow sky fucking high.
Oops.
-Allēna
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Thinking zine thoughts…
I’m slowly getting to work on my next poetry zine. It’s shaping up to be a larger one, somewhere along the size and scale of Field Notes From a Colder Time or Easy to Hate Like Everything You Love.
I don’t have a working title yet and frankly I don’t want to rush one or reveal it until it feels right. All I know right now is that I’ve been working through and with a lot of themes regarding mental health and cyclical patterns since my therapy session a few days ago and an interesting few poetry workshop sessions. So expect a lot of new work to do with circles and cycles! Maybe ellipses, too…hmm…
I do love a good ellipse.
There might be a poem in there, too. I really am quite eccentric (ha!)
I have some phone calls to make and I didn’t get much sleep last night since I was up until almost dawn watching Netflix – and not working – tragically, but I haven’t had access to my shows for weeks, so a good binge was in order.
More tomorrow. I’ve gotta run before my energy runs out and I lost my nerve.
-Allēna
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I wrote this poem at roughly 5:30, 6 o’ clock this morning.
It’s called “love letter to the predawn hours”.
at this time of day I could be anything
as the inky blue remainder of the night
holds me like a child. instead, I find I want to be nothing and everything but myself.
I only pray I spend it well
and that I am good company. not angry, but soft
and gentle. my mask falls off because I don't have
to dance for the eyes that do not watch me now
and my hands and body are the right kind
of firm and strong, if only for now.
at this time of day I want to be a good houseguest,
a silent ghost, a near fugitive, stealing soft across
the floor, taking in the joy of the wee hours of the morning like the thief I was always told I was growing up, but flipping the script this time. 5:46 keeps me safe from prying eyes and I keep its silence sacred in return as I would a lover, nurturing the ideas it gives me and even cherishing the hum of the fridge in the next room and the slow creaks of the house as the melodies they are. this time of day has always woken me gently, and I am remembering how to hear the music of the world again.-Allēna 9/7/2025
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I saw this post yesterday.
I have some things to say about it.
Fuck the hardliners, as long as you’re doing your best to be a decent human being, all progress is good progress and the best praxis is to start right now with exactly what you have. There is no single definition of what being a “good leftist” looks like, and even if there WERE, there would need to be accommodations made for disabled people, Mad people, poor people, cultural nuances, etc..
Additionally, as an ex Mormon and a cripple punk, I wish leftists who talk like rebranded Christians would understand how nonsensical their takes sound. Nothing will get fixed without real progress and real work from real people, and that involves being patient when people fuck up, working together in community, and actively building a better world together, however we all can contribute, no matter how small. There will be no Revolution without progress made in the first place ffs.
So if all you could do is survive and take care of yourself today, I think that’s good praxis. Self care is community care, and I’m glad as fuck you’re still here. If all you can do is share memes and news, that’s a form of activism in and of itself, and I think that’s good praxis. If you’re making art, writing things, being a performer or creative in any way, even if you’re only sharing it with your friends, partner(s), and/or family? Art is political. This, too, is good praxis. If you can do more? Badass. That’s also good praxis. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.-Allēna
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