Open Sorcery

Open Sorcery is the world of Lazarus Halliwell.

Excellence and batshittery, done on purpose.

I’m Lazarus. I make art, music, poems, plays, and magic for the quiet, brilliant, broken ones. If that is you, welcome home. I adopt your kind.

[Subscribe to my email list and I’ll send you a track I don’t remember recording.]

More about me here.

Please note that, with rare exceptions, any and all names mentioned in this blog are pseudonyms except our own. We want to be able to speak freely without doxxing anyone.

Blog

  • Bread and Circuses

    Hey, everyone. Lazarus again.

    Recently Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook and owner of several other apps, completely took his mask off when it came to his views on the LGBTQ+ community, and announced that, in essence, hate speech and discrimination towards people in the LGBTQ+ community is completely okay and allowed on his platforms. Here’s the announcement in full.

    As a result, many people I know are pissed the absolute fuck off and leaving all of his platforms for greener pastures such as Bluesky and Mastodon. I can’t blame them, frankly. Things on Facebook have been going that way for years, since 2020 at least from what I can tell, and I’m all for everyone doing whatever it takes to keep themselves safe and comfortable.

    I, however, am in a bit of a mental bind. I don’t have the fucking energy to keep making profiles on platforms every time the powers that be screw me over. I’m a member of the Tumblr old guard way, way back in the dark ages of 2013 and watched Tumblr die and revive itself when Yahoo bought it and then had to sell it again in a fire sale because people on Tumblr are fucking unhinged, I was on Twitter for awhile and watched THAT slowly decline, and I have a terrible knack for forgetting the apps and accounts I already have exist. Hell, my executive dysfunction and fatigue even prevent me from writing here sometimes.

    Conversely, I own Open Sorcery. Completely. The only people I have to answer to in this regard are my web registrar and bank account to renew my hosting and the domain name and things. It’s also hooked in with the magnificent wonder that is the Fediverse AND bridged with Bluesky, a Fediverse/Twitter competitor of sorts.

    All of this hullabaloo makes me really glad that my now integrated headmate got very pissed off, forgot what life was for about ten hours, and built this thing back in June, haha. So if you need me, I’ll be right here, hovering about three inches off the ground, everywhere and nowhere at once, spouting nonsense as close to daily as I’m able, probably vibrating out of my skin because the Zelda System has generously provided me with 500 WHOLE CAFFEINE PILLS with which to fuel chaos behavior. 🤣

    Thank you.

    Now, have memes.

    Here are the lovely gremlins who have already made the EXCELLENT choice to follow my nonsense, as well..

    Stay tuned for more magic!

    -Lazarus

    Also, if you are one of the esteemed gremlins jumping ship to Mastodon, etc., follow me in the Fediverse. My username is @opensorceryy.

    If you want updates via email, follow me this way!

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  • Praise Be The Italians

    Hello, everyone! Lazarus here.  Zelda and I had a really great date last night. We went to an incredible restaurant called Onesto in Milwaukee’s Third Ward. Now, I love food. I love nice food even more. I love Italian food with all of my heart. I grew up with a lot of money and a gourmet chef grandmother who was of Italian descent, the inimitable Rose. So I have rather elegant taste and am quite particular with my Italian food.

    This restaurant hit the spot. It reminded me of her cooking and the sorts of places I used to go to when I younger all rolled up into one. I was so happy when our calamari appetizer came out that I started warbling! It was absolutely delicious. The atmosphere was also lovely, the service was amazing (props to the waiter who was incredibly patient with how much Parmesan cheese I wanted on my truly delightful spaghetti Bolognese).

    Also, look at these masterpiece MOCKTAILS!

    The non-alcoholic hibiscus margarita.
    The Happi, I believe it was called.

    We had a vanilla affogato for dessert, which was also top notch. I used to get affogatos while I was tired from writing essays in college in Maryland with my friends, so I’ve missed them horribly.

    We went home happy and half food comatose. Praise be the Italians and their exquisite food. And kudos to Onesto especially. I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to have an intimate date night or a delicious Italian dinner of any kind in a soothing and lovely atmosphere.

    So good!

    Stay tuned for more magic… ✨🥂

    -Lazarus

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  • Some Very Good News

    SINNERS REJOICE! I, Lazarus, slept for approximately eight and a half hours and DIDN’T HAVE ANY NIGHTMARES THAT I CAN RECALL! Hell yeah! I’m also not super scrambled today so far, but I’ve been up for less than thirty minutes. LET’S ROCK TODAY, BITCHES (affectionate). I think I’m gonna go throw alllll of my newfound spoons at a wall by taking a damn shower. I fucking need one. Fatigue is a bitch, but I have Things to Do today. So I wanted to post first, tell y’all the news, and then waterboard my brainhole shower, lol.

    Have memes to celebrate.

    Tiny Me (far lower left corner, smirking weirdly) was always Up to Some Bullshit 🤣
    At least attempting to, anyway..
    And my erstwhile headmate WAS the bullshit.

    Stay tuned for more magic, lovely weirdos. I’ll be around, hehehe..

    -Lazarus

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    Fediverse reactions

  • Unpacking

    Hey, everyone. Lazarus here again.

    Today has been another slow day, but a productive one. The Zelda System is off of work today and it’s our day to hang out and relax, so we’ve been catching up on shows and things. It was much needed, seeing as I only got about five hours of sleep and was thrown from it by a really shitty dream that appeared to be my subconscious attempting to unpack all of my trauma in one go. It wasn’t fun, so the relaxation was definitely needed.

    I think the nightmares picking back up randomly is ironically kind of a good sign because it means my brain feels safe enough to process the fuckshit more deeply, I suppose. Yay. That’s the shitty thing about life stabilizing overall.. I have ample time to think and I get lost in my mind now that I have found it all, even when I am asleep.

    Also, it’s funny to note that the irritatingly universal phenomenon that is cheating dreams still happen when you’re polyamorous, and can happen about cheating in polyamory. That’s what the nightmare was about. I didn’t know my bra would cook that truckload of horseshit up, but here we are. I have no fucking clue what spawned this nonsense. Normally upon waking I can identify a trigger for my dreams that I had briefly encountered in the past few days, but I have absolutely no idea what spawned this one. So I guess we’re dealing with this flavor of nightmare now. The nightmares have been lifelong, and they pertain to whatever fucking drama my brainhole decides to throw at the current fronter at the time. Same song, different verse, I suppose.

    I think I’m going to attempt a nap and pray to whatever deity might be listening that I don’t have any nightmares this time. Huzzah. But first, memes and a playlist that I was up until almost 4 AM concocting, hehe.

    Over nineteen hours of bangers that I associate with my Enneagram Tritype, haha.

    Stay tuned for more magic, beloved gremlins!

    -Lazarus

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    Fediverse reactions

  • Down Every Rabbit Hole, Everywhere

    Hey, everyone. Lazarus again, back once more with your daily dose of bullshit, hehe. It’s been a slow day so far, both in my brain and otherwise. If you guessed that insomnia is still sort of kicking my ass, you got it in one. But being tired can have its advantages, namely that it makes me fucking funny. Do I have less object permanence than normal, though? Absolutely. I’m losing every single worldly possession of mine over here.

    Sheik of the Zelda System is gaming beside me after binge watching several episodes of Supernatural season seven, as has winding our way through that absolute shit show become our tradition on their days off. So I’ve got my headphones on and am simply seeing where my brainhole takes me. We both appeared to have great dates last night, them with our mutual beloved Emerson (and the leftovers I received were fucking amazing, as well) and I had a great virtual date with my darling Autumn. They’re wickedly funny, and kept making me cackle with laughter midsentence. I had needed that date, to be honest. It had been a few weeks since our last one and I missed them something fucking fierce. There’s been much less drama and fewer trashfires of late, and times like these remind me that polyamory is truly a wonderful experience. No regrets. I can’t ever go back, even when shit gets rough. I’m just not built that way.

    Now, seeing as my mind feels like pudding that has been repeatedly electrocuted, I’m probably gonna leave y’all for the day. Will my brain let me fucking sleep? Probably not. Am I about to go down a research rabbit hole trying to figure out who a certain actress was in an episode of Supernatural? Oh yeah. That’s been on the agenda since I first saw the actress and recognized her as the same actress who plays Kaylee Frye in Firefly, haha. My brain needs to DEFINITELY be stopped. At least I’m attempting to rest, right?

    [crickets chirp faintly in the distance]

    Anyway. Before I go, memes. I can’t just skitter away without DEPRIVING y’all!

    Why are Facebook ads Like This?

    Stay tuned for more magic, y’all. And tomfuckery. There’s always that.

    Your eternally insleepriated sorcerer,

    -Lazarus

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  • Episode YES: Insomnia Strikes Back

    Hello, cherished mothers and fuckers. Lazarus here once more with your daily Des Moines Cropduster (context below, thanks, Theo).

    I’ve started calling posting on here or sharing a link to a post I make a “Des Moines Cropduster” because of my eldritch headmate’s masterful nonsense. Ergo, you’re being Cropdusted as we speak….

    I thought this prompt looked interesting and I have a few responses for y’all.

    If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

    Here are my favorite contenders thus far:

    Ashley Halliwell’s Brainhole, New and Improved, Under New Management. NOW WITH MORE INSOMNIA!

    Got questions? We have answers. Believe them or else.

    The speed limit on this freeway is 80mph. But we bet you are not going as fast as MY BRAIN CAN PROCESS EVERYTHING…

    How many sins have you committed today? Not as many as This Motherfucker. [photo of my face] If you can commit more Christological heresies than This Bitch in a 24 hour period, YOU get a free cardboard box.

    Got Lore? We Sure Do. Follow For More.

    All of the potential billboards would include a link to Open Sorcery for the bit, of course.

    And simply to up the ante, I would place the billboards in and around the Cleveland, Ohio metro area. What can I say? I know my audience.

    In case y’all can’t tell by the above dastardly suggestions and the post title, insomnia is STILL kicking my ass. I am beginning to wonder if it’s because of the fact that, on top of the vitamin B supplements I’ve been taking, I have started taking ibuprofen and Tylenol every 4-6 hours when I don’t lose time to deal with my chronic pain further. It’s working wonderfully for the pain. However, there’s been one absolute motherfucker of an unintended consequence. My brain has come completely, exhaustingly alive again, just like it did before my now-integrated headmate Allēna came down with mono when she was 16.

    It doesn’t shut up. Nothing helps it. Not sex (for very long, anyway), not getting stoned off my ass, NOTHING. Zilch. Nada. The only thing that even remotely helps is letting myself pursue whatever idea has fascinated me until I’m so thoroughly burnt out and exhausted that I see fucking double and finally pass out. And even then, I sleep maybe 4-6 hours a night. It’s very, very rare these days that I get more sleep than that, and the sleep I get is absolute garbage. My dreams are vivid. I toss, I turn, I’m up every few hours… I swear I’m more delirious than asleep.

    Am I simply a husky in human form?

    This shit has made me intimately and acutely aware of why my strictly enforced bedtime was 8PM for most of my youth. I didn’t fucking sleep! I COULDN’T fucking sleep!

    I’m realizing as well why my dad, Xavier, and my late grandmother, Rose, were always doing projects, as well, and I am more grateful for this blog and my myriad other projects and interests every day.

    Rose was a chemist by trade, ran every damn social club in her town, was a former art dealer with a glorious collection of beautiful art, gourmet chef/baker, read books backwards, and I never saw her sleep more than four to six hours, either, before she got very sick in 2010. She was an indisputable genius whose brain was also fucking ALIVE, and frankly I can’t blame her for having so many interests and being constantly on the move. If I could handle it physically, I would be, too. Lord knows I am mentally at this point.

    Fuck.

    Well, that’s enough bitching about my blazing fast brainhole from me for one day. I’m probably gonna watch some TV and scream into the void or something, also known as every DM in existence. Emerson and Zelda are spending the night together and going out to a Fancy Restaurant tonight which means that your gremlin gets delicious leftovers, hehe. I live for tasty leftovers. I’m also calling my cozy partner in Michigan, Autumn, later. They were the suitor I mentioned a bit ago in this post and things are going so well! So things aren’t all shitty in my brain.

    But before I go… Memes.

    Stay tuned for more magic, lovely entities! I love y’all.

    Cropdusting complete. Lazarus out.

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  • On Hooking ‘Em and Cooking ‘Em (Get Your Minds Out Of The Gutter, You Sinners)

    Hello, assembled host. Lazarus here once more with more bullshit for your viewing pleasure. The below prompt from the journaling app Day One looks interesting, so I shall answer it in due time, but before I get into the thick of it, have a fucking meme I cooked up last night that is tangentially related because I said so.

    Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

    Today’s prompt from Day One.
    An Occurrence from last night, January 4th, in the year of our Lord 2025.

    To answer the intriguing question the prompt posed, my answer is both. Why, you may ask? Because I’m an AuDHD gremlin with a fucking brainhole with a working knowledge of world history from my years spent as a tutor who happens to see the future on occasion due to a nifty combination of brain damage, annoyingly supercharged intuition, synesthesia, and neurodivergent pattern recognition. In short, my brain never shuts the fuck up, especially as I continue my inner work and find pockets of my mind that I have repressed for years. I have next to no sense of linear time or object permanence. Can I get a pretty damn accurate sense of who you are within five minutes of meeting you? Absolutely. Do I know where my cell phone is half the time? Oh gods no.

    And due to surviving a helluva lot of trauma, having a near perfect autobiographical memory, and being unusually well traveled due to being raised with an ass load of money and being so charismatic I annoy myself, I have many, many stories to tell on top of my knowledge of world history. I call these stories my Lore or my Tragic Backstory interchangeably depending on how I’m feeling that day. As demonstrated by the meme I shared above, people seem to like the stories that come out of my facehole.

    So yeah. I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Time isn’t linear, anyway, so what the hell? Mentally I’m almost constantly relaxing on a huge plot of land in Sullivan County, Pennsylvania ten years from now, or trying to find various belongings of mine that have disappeared into the fucking ether again. Where are Y’ALL mentally?

    Anywho, it’s almost my naptime. Before I go, have more memes and a video of me voice acting for a kitten who I call Sean Connery Nugget with the Zelda System. 🤣

    Goodnight, lovely gremlins. Tell me of your many travels in the comments, throw a party, do whatever you want. Just be excellent to each other, that’s all I ask. 💛 Until next time, stay tuned for more magic. – Lazarus

    PS. 2011 or so called and it wants you to have this earworm back 🤣

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  • Hellooooo, Boys (read: everyone) I’m Baaaaack

    Hi, everyone! I, Lazarus, have returned today, as promised, with whatever chaos and dipshittery my brain decides to throw onto this here blog. I don’t think I slept all that well last night, considering that I dreamt of a whole bunch of shit that I can’t quite recall, kept waking up, and the final straw was dreaming of my friend Delta asking if everyone present would be upset with them if she obtained a statue of a fairy doing a line of coke, immediately presenting said statue, everyone getting extremely pissed at them in the dream, and then “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye and Kimbra playing in my headphones exactly as that sequence ended. I woke up fucking cackling because what the fuck was that? I have never done cocaine, for the record, but my dreams are so fucking batshit that people have.. Asked questions. No, honey. That’s just my brainhole. No drugs are needed to spawn this sort of nonsense.

    For further context, I fell asleep with a playlist my now integrated headmate Allēna made several years ago called Blogging in my ears. I’ll embed it below:

    Then I checked the group chat I have with my partners Emerson and Zelda to find that Emerson had posed an Interesting Question to us. The question was something like the following: what breed of cat do you most see yourself as?

    This was my response:

    So that was how I woke up. I think it’s safe to say my emotional state was roughly in the ballpark of:

    Thanks, Google Emoji Combiner. You’re a wheelchair for my brain.

    Now, after several hours of Emerson and Zelda encouraging me to yell in the group chat and in DMs about my fictional characters and worlds because they’re both feeling various flavors of sick, my autism has been roughly satisfied and I need to probably eat something other than the couple handfuls of shredded sharp cheddar cheese I had earlier and see about a fucking nap or something to that effect.

    Now, if you’re wondering by this point if I struggle with some flavor of insanity, you are incorrect about the first part but goddamn right about the second. I’m about as batshit as the underside of your standard overpass in Austin, Texas at sundown, but I don’t struggle with it. I have a great deal of fun and giggle a lot✨.

    Before I take my leave of y’all, have  memes.

    Stay tuned for more magic, darling gremlins! Hehehe…

    -Lazarus ✨🪕💛

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  • Alexithymic Bypass

    Hey, everyone. Lazarus here. I don’t have a lot of energy right now. However, I’ve discovered that Google made a tool that combines certain emojis that I’ve found to be very handy when it comes to expressing emotions when I really have no idea where to start or am too tired to express the mixed bag I am experiencing emotionally. This is  roughly what I am feeling right now, for example.

    When you’re tired but still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

    I also want to share this cool playlist Theo cooked up 💛 Here it is:

    And as a fun bonus treat in honor of 2025 already being odd, here’s a perennial favorite playlist of mine from years ago, the Last Polycule at the End of the World.

    Insomnia and the cold weather have been kicking my ass physically and mentally and physically, but I’ve been having a lot of vivid dreams. So here’s a meme in honor of that that a friend/crush of mine sent me, lol.

    Manifestation. ✨

    I aim to be back tomorrow, lovely gremlins. Until then, I wish I was here:

    I found this from the page Xochitl Banks on Facebook. This sounds lovely to my cranky body.

    Stay tuned for more magic. I will be dealing with my cantankerous body, hahahaaaaa….

    -Lazarus

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  • Wrapped Around Your Espresso

    Hello, all. Lazarus here. I’m bored, kinda having a moment, and can’t find my fucking phone, so I decided to curse two songs at once and make my late father spin in his urn in the interim until I can find it. This is a very, VERY rough mix, I’ll probably go back and clean it up later, but for now, I present “Wrapped Around Your Espresso (Sabrina Carpenter vs. The Police)”, the first mix. Enjoy, gremlins.

    Stay tuned for more magic, as always! I’ll do my best to update soon… I am cooking lots of things, but for now, I need rest.

    -Lazarus

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