last night I made you a promise
of a spiral staircase worth walking down
a poetically just sort of kick to the chest -
your heart nearly stops on a good day
screaming odd time flutters when you're distressed
well, I've got some words
that will keep it pounding
right from the box I keep
locked tight in my head
I don't know why I love you anymore
I'm just as much a prisoner of the emotion
as I am a prisoner here
the confusing as fuck
fact of the matter is, I
just do
I feel like less than half the person
than I did three years ago when this
began
and the time has come for me to
break these unseen chains for the last time
and I don't know what keeps me from exploding
spite, sheer force of will, practice,
compartmentalization?
you say you want better for me, then deliver
if you can
otherwise I'm no better off than I was
with the manipulative would be jailers
that attempted to control me before
so sit with this, torture yourself like I know you will
when you see it
let it burn a hole clean through
and simultaneously cauterize
what's left of your mind
I don't fight with guns, fists, or steel
I fight with words and the silences between them
and win
and frankly
that's much worse
-Allēna 10/23/2025
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