cptsd – Open Sorcery

I’ve been so tired

that I could barely respond to the wonderful messages people have been sending me on a lovely new app that Emerson and Hawthorne put me onto called Roost, and I still couldn’t get to all of them. I feel bad, but resting is important. The emotional and physical toll of the past…yes must be catching…

I wish I could say I’ve been resting,

and I have been, physically, for the most part. But things between Emerson and I have been a lot less tempestuous and a lot less stressful since he had his surgery, to such a degree that I’ve been able to work through my own emotional backlog for what feels like the first time in years,…

I think I’m starting to figure out why I’m so reserved/”cold” emotionally.

When I was a teenager, like 13-15, I was a HOPELESS romantic. I would write fully fledged, and ultimately fully produced and orchestrated songs for my crushes and create massive works of art across a variety of mediums that took months, sometimes years, to complete, at an age when most boys couldn’t be arsed to…

“18”

about our experiences at St. John’s College in Annapolis, MD I was only 18 when you lost me it was more than just a flesh wound I had just lost my father, it was second semester and everyone there was different, more liberal orleft leaning than me alcoholics alone in their dorms, trying to wash…

“salvo ii”

last night I made you a promise of a spiral staircase worth walking down a poetically just sort of kick to the chest -your heart nearly stops on a good dayscreaming odd time flutters when you’re distressed well, I’ve got some words that will keep it pounding right from the box I keep locked tight…

y’all get a two for one special tonight. this one’s called “queer pressure”.

after careful consideration, i have determinedthat i didn’t know what it was like to put space between the world and me, so i held everything and everyone atan artificial distance while seeing too close, held everythingi ever earned in a vise grip and let myself slip intothe grip of my vicesi stared into the void…

“a brief inquiry into the shape of time”

“you can always say no” is the second oldest liethere is, up there with “you will always be mine”and if that seems wrong to you, consider the following -i left you because you were too close a mirror to all the things i swore had claws and drank away to sleep at nightand i will…

Tag: cptsd