“salvo ii”

last night I made you a promise 
of a spiral staircase worth walking down 
a poetically just sort of kick to the chest -

your heart nearly stops on a good day
screaming odd time flutters when you're distressed 
well, I've got some words 
that will keep it pounding 
right from the box I keep 
locked tight in my head 

I don't know why I love you anymore
I'm just as much a prisoner of the emotion 
as I am a prisoner here 
the confusing as fuck 
fact of the matter is, I 
just do 
I feel like less than half the person
than I did three years ago when this 
began 
and the time has come for me to 
break these unseen chains for the last time 

and I don't know what keeps me from exploding 
spite, sheer force of will, practice, 
compartmentalization?
you say you want better for me, then deliver
if you can
otherwise I'm no better off than I was
with the manipulative would be jailers 
that attempted to control me before

so sit with this, torture yourself like I know you will
when you see it
let it burn a hole clean through 
and simultaneously cauterize 
what's left of your mind
I don't fight with guns, fists, or steel
I fight with words and the silences between them
and win 
and frankly 
that's much worse

-Allēna 10/23/2025