ie. I wonder if I forgot to take my H2 inhibitors because of bullshit object impermanence. Today was still difficult fatigue wise, but I had therapy and that helped. I also DEFINITELY REMEMBERED TO TAKE MY FUCKING MEDS.
If I have, in fact, forgotten to take them for the past couple of days, that’s definitely something to put down in my hypothetical future snarky memoir How to Win At Life because go me, F for my brainhole. Huzzah. Object impermanence wins again. Fuck my gay ass life 🤣
-Allēna
that I could barely respond to the wonderful messages people have been sending me on a lovely new app that Emerson and Hawthorne put me onto called Roost, and I still couldn’t get to all of them. I feel bad, but resting is important. The emotional and physical toll of the past…yes must be catching up to me.
It’s also been six years to the day since my headmate Peri left our ex-husband, Fang, although she wouldn’t leave for Texas until July 11 (Alaska time), so that may be also contributing to the exhaustion somewhat. July seems to be the month of life-altering decisions and plot twist insanity, whether it was Peri leaving Fang, Eight leaving for Philly a year and some later, him starting the relationship for the first time with Zelda the year after that (I can’t quite recall the date of their anniversary, though, but I know it was late July/early August), or my massive seizures that were a major contributing factor in us leaving Zelda that also happened a year ago today, not to mention me finally divorcing Fang officially last year on July 23. So it’s a heavy month for a lot of reasons, full of life changes and memories and grief.
I will admit that I’m fully anticipating tragedy in some form this month given the seizures last year, or some other kind of major upheaval, but I don’t know what it will be and that scares me and that could also be contributing to my fatigue…
We’ll see what happens, I guess. I’ll keep y’all posted, as always.
-Allēna
I also made a post saying that Emerson and I would be unreachable for the next day or so. I’m still feeling pretty socially burnt out, but I’m feeling marginally better.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
-Allēna
Emerson and I are fine, but I am having to crisis manage for other people and a bunch of strangers are DMing me every day and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. To be clear, I am not angry with anyone who’s DMing me or calling me, just very tired and overwhelmed and dealing with very low social battery.
My phone was on vibrate for a while, but it’s on Absolute Shut The FUCK Up Mode again so I don’t chuck the damn thing into Lake Michigan next time it wakes me up.
Picture me screaming into a virtual pillow, because this is how I feel.
It is sleep time for crippled introverts.
-Allēna
But I started re-watching Designated Survivor this evening as a little treat to myself and someone apparently wants to paint fan art of me on Instagram, so that’s cool.
It’s off to the shower with me now. G’night!
-Allēna
But Emerson and I got the apartment mostly clean, wheeee.
-Allēna
But the crowdfunding for May rent is almost done, at least, we only have a bit more to go and then I can chilllll. I also talked with a friend for the first time on the phone today, and that was lovely.
If you’d like to help with the crowdfund for May rent, anything helps. My pay links are as follows:
Cashapp: $persephonejam
Venmo: opensorceryy
PayPal: trinrigel@gmail.com
I love y’all so much.
-Allēna
Today todayed the fuck out of me.
However, it would appear that I’ve made a little over $100 this month on Patreon and I get to take home $95 of that, and there are still a few days left to go in April, so that’s badass. One of the videos I made promoting it has started blowing up, predictably. The haters are very mad.
The remaining thirty minutes of today are cancelled, however. I’m going the fuck to sleep. Goodnight, all.
-Allēna
(for me, anyway).
I’m processing a lot and my brain feels so overtaxed that it’s a struggle to think or even breathe at times. I’ve been struggling to even message Juneau, and that’s been quite easy of late. I think I’ve overworked myself into a hole.
So I’m going to have a leisurely smoke and then I think I’m going to attempt sleep.
G’night, y’all.
If y’all want to help me feel less overtaxed, please check out my Patreon. It would be a huge help. 💛
-Allēna
Between a bunch of phone calls and DMs and getting sunsick this past weekend, including yet another phone call to get my benefits sorted because my representative has been AWOL for over a month now, I sort of went into turtly hermit mode and watched Smosh for most of the afternoon. It was nice.
-Allēna