Open Sorcery

Tag: Zelda System

  • On Hooking ‘Em and Cooking ‘Em (Get Your Minds Out Of The Gutter, You Sinners)

    Hello, assembled host. Lazarus here once more with more bullshit for your viewing pleasure. The below prompt from the journaling app Day One looks interesting, so I shall answer it in due time, but before I get into the thick of it, have a fucking meme I cooked up last night that is tangentially related because I said so.

    Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

    Today’s prompt from Day One.
    An Occurrence from last night, January 4th, in the year of our Lord 2025.

    To answer the intriguing question the prompt posed, my answer is both. Why, you may ask? Because I’m an AuDHD gremlin with a fucking brainhole with a working knowledge of world history from my years spent as a tutor who happens to see the future on occasion due to a nifty combination of brain damage, annoyingly supercharged intuition, synesthesia, and neurodivergent pattern recognition. In short, my brain never shuts the fuck up, especially as I continue my inner work and find pockets of my mind that I have repressed for years. I have next to no sense of linear time or object permanence. Can I get a pretty damn accurate sense of who you are within five minutes of meeting you? Absolutely. Do I know where my cell phone is half the time? Oh gods no.

    And due to surviving a helluva lot of trauma, having a near perfect autobiographical memory, and being unusually well traveled due to being raised with an ass load of money and being so charismatic I annoy myself, I have many, many stories to tell on top of my knowledge of world history. I call these stories my Lore or my Tragic Backstory interchangeably depending on how I’m feeling that day. As demonstrated by the meme I shared above, people seem to like the stories that come out of my facehole.

    So yeah. I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Time isn’t linear, anyway, so what the hell? Mentally I’m almost constantly relaxing on a huge plot of land in Sullivan County, Pennsylvania ten years from now, or trying to find various belongings of mine that have disappeared into the fucking ether again. Where are Y’ALL mentally?

    Anywho, it’s almost my naptime. Before I go, have more memes and a video of me voice acting for a kitten who I call Sean Connery Nugget with the Zelda System. 🤣

    Goodnight, lovely gremlins. Tell me of your many travels in the comments, throw a party, do whatever you want. Just be excellent to each other, that’s all I ask. 💛 Until next time, stay tuned for more magic. – Lazarus

    PS. 2011 or so called and it wants you to have this earworm back 🤣

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  • Hellooooo, Boys (read: everyone) I’m Baaaaack

    Hi, everyone! I, Lazarus, have returned today, as promised, with whatever chaos and dipshittery my brain decides to throw onto this here blog. I don’t think I slept all that well last night, considering that I dreamt of a whole bunch of shit that I can’t quite recall, kept waking up, and the final straw was dreaming of my friend Delta asking if everyone present would be upset with them if she obtained a statue of a fairy doing a line of coke, immediately presenting said statue, everyone getting extremely pissed at them in the dream, and then “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye and Kimbra playing in my headphones exactly as that sequence ended. I woke up fucking cackling because what the fuck was that? I have never done cocaine, for the record, but my dreams are so fucking batshit that people have.. Asked questions. No, honey. That’s just my brainhole. No drugs are needed to spawn this sort of nonsense.

    For further context, I fell asleep with a playlist my now integrated headmate Allēna made several years ago called Blogging in my ears. I’ll embed it below:

    Then I checked the group chat I have with my partners Emerson and Zelda to find that Emerson had posed an Interesting Question to us. The question was something like the following: what breed of cat do you most see yourself as?

    This was my response:

    So that was how I woke up. I think it’s safe to say my emotional state was roughly in the ballpark of:

    Thanks, Google Emoji Combiner. You’re a wheelchair for my brain.

    Now, after several hours of Emerson and Zelda encouraging me to yell in the group chat and in DMs about my fictional characters and worlds because they’re both feeling various flavors of sick, my autism has been roughly satisfied and I need to probably eat something other than the couple handfuls of shredded sharp cheddar cheese I had earlier and see about a fucking nap or something to that effect.

    Now, if you’re wondering by this point if I struggle with some flavor of insanity, you are incorrect about the first part but goddamn right about the second. I’m about as batshit as the underside of your standard overpass in Austin, Texas at sundown, but I don’t struggle with it. I have a great deal of fun and giggle a lot✨.

    Before I take my leave of y’all, have  memes.

    Stay tuned for more magic, darling gremlins! Hehehe…

    -Lazarus ✨🪕💛

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