In all honesty, our phone is on Do Not Disturb to avoid the constant onslaught of news and we are messaging very few people to preserve spoons.

One of us (I forget who) saw a post a few days ago that talked about how a therapist was saying that a desire to build an off grid self sustaining farm and never come back to society was a manifestation of exhaustion and burnout, and whoever it was felt so called out that they almost started crying.

You don’t say that it’s a manifestation of exhaustion and fucking burnout, anonymous therapist! Society is fucking exhausting! Why do you think I rarely front around most people? They fucking exhaust me and burn me out!

I would do unholy things for an off grid, self sustaining farm if this body weren’t fucking allergic to the outdoors.

I know my body couldn’t handle the work to maintain it, let alone the lack of infrastructure, etc., and that  fucking kills me. So I settle for being a housebound art gremlin in the city with hopefully half decent OpSec.

No amount of money can fix this particular yearning of ours, sadly. What’s the point of having money to buy land for a self sustaining farm if you can’t fucking work the farm without killing yourself? And what’s the point in having money for a farm even if other people you love lived on it with you if you can’t go outside eighty percent of the year to enjoy it? Even if I wanted to simply sit outside, it would hurt me too badly for most of the year than the enjoyment would be worth.

Unfortunately, we’re learning our limits, and that comes with a fair amount of grief.

Fuck. This hurts. This hurts so bad.

I’m gonna go grab a snack and nap or make art or something.

-Castor