Hey, peeps. This is Allēna. My PTSD is kicking my ass today, but at least y’all get cool art out of it. We appear to be that special kind of creator that gets even more inspiration when our trauma comes back to kick our ass, taking us from decently prolific to FUCKING ON FIRE creatively in order to cope with the emotional pain of it all. Today has been no exception. First up is a poem that spilled out of me this morning before I went back to sleep for about three hours:

Let’s set the scene 
The year is 2019
I wake with the dawn and simply try and breathe -

You give me tools and time and I will build my way through this rage 
I will sing and chew my way through the bars of 
this cage

Five years later and I still can’t sleep
I still feel stuck with the cards close to my
concave chest 
When will the craving subside? 
When will I stop hungering for more? 
Nothing short of everything? 

They couldn’t take my mind
No matter how hard they tried 
They couldn’t strip me of the things I’ve seen
They could never quite dull the hunger in my eyes

The dawn breaks anew and I lay in a room 
still trying to spread these battered wings
surrounded by nothing but windows… 

And then I got inspired again this evening and painted what my synesthesia makes of “Didn’t It Rain” by Songs: Ohia, one of the songs that sonically shaped our album Metacognition. The PTSD attack is pertaining to the events that set off the hot streak that caused Eight to write and record the bulk of Metacognition, so I figured painting a song that he had on repeat at the time would help get some of the emotions out, and it did. I wasn’t present during that time, so I’m essentially having to process someone else’s trauma right now and all I know to do with it is make art and talk about art. I feel like a mess, even though logically I know it’s pretty damn healthy to process shit this way. Here is the painting for y’all:

I’m not really okay, y’all, but I deal with shit like this regularly enough that I know how to get through it safely, and y’all get cool art in the process. I’m over at Emerson’s currently, but once I’m back at Sheik’s I or whoever else is in front will probably drop some more spare room roaring on here. 💛

Fucking flashbacks.

Anyway…

Stay tuned for more magic!

-Allēna, your traumatized, if hyper-prolific, super-admin. Fuck PTSD up the ass with a Joseph cactus. 😭