Open Sorcery

Category: Allēna’s Posts

  • Didn’t get much sleep last night lol.

    I was up late watching silly comedies with Emerson neither of us have seen in years (10 Things I Hate About You and most of The Parent Trap) So I am very, very tired today…

    -Allēna

  • I went to the poetry workshop with Emerson again today and as such, I come bearing gifts.

    This was the result of a TTRPG roll and it’s called “everything’s coming up lavender”

    i was 17 when you first came to me
    mind threatening to unravel in shades of crimson

    now i swear everything's coming up lavender and
    golden brown, i'm much madder now and 
    while i can't say things are fine in this pit 
    of snakes we live in, at least i feel
    somewhat safe now that i found the melody i
    was looking for 

    the problem is that i sought you high and
    low in all the wrong places, wrote my best songs
    and lines to all the wrong people
    it's sad to say that you found me at my worst, but
    you loved me anyway

    i'm a stubborn piece of shit and i know 
    you know that, so are you
    that's part of why i love you so fucking much
    neither of us know when to quit when we know exactly what we want

    so are we living the dream? maybe not yet
    but do we have the grit to get there?
    absofuckinglutely. and one thing's for certain
    i know i will never be bored again

    so thank you. thank you for not
    giving up on this raging bitch 
    thank you for sticking it out because
    i loved you endlessly then and i love you endlessly now

    -Allēna 8/3/2025

    Here's the TTRPG if you want to snag a copy for yourself!
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  • So I hear y’all like TTRPGs on here.

    My poetry writing TTRPG is included in the bundle that just went live today (I’ll include a widget so you can find it directly), and I’ll post links to examples of poems I’ve written using it as well.

    The TTRPG:

    Some examples:

    One
    Two – “letter to theseus”
    Three
    Four – “a brief inquiry into the shape of time”
    Five – “sin eater”
    Six – “ariadne’s thread”
    Seven – “queer pressure”

    All six of these poems were written using Infinite Poems, and it’s helped me become a better poet and writer overall. I hope it helps y’all, too. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, tag me in what you make, and share this with your friends, foes, and anyone still under review!

    -Allēna

  • y’all get a two for one special tonight. this one’s called “queer pressure”.

    after careful consideration, i have determined

    that i didn’t know what it was like to put space between the 
    world and me, so i held everything and everyone at
    an artificial distance while seeing too close, held everything
    i ever earned in a vise grip and let myself slip into
    the grip of my vices

    i stared into the void so long that it blinked before i did 
    and then i mistook the deep nothing of it for your eyes
    until there was nothing left but a deep, deep hole

    here’s the thing about an addiction, though -
    admitting you have it is the first step toward vindication

    -Allēna 8/2/2025

  • this one is called “sin eater”.

    i think you seared ghosts into my bones
    down deep into the marrow

    and time may be round, but i am forced to remain here
    suffering, as all of time’s rivers and streams flow back into me
    and the specters of all the things you whispered and lies you screamed
    are made to ride with me too

    i am not religious, but i am spiritual
    and i am your confessor, always have been, 
    and i worry i always will be 
    grayscale, amoral, atemporal priest of these jagged streets
    i am the one person who will never forgive you
    no matter how hard you try to forget me

    where can i go and who can i turn to
    who can unmake, unbaptize, undo what you did to me
    when you already tried me by fire and inducted me 
    into your thorny order? so this is my confession:
    i didn’t want this, no matter how much you think i needed it
    and this life of yours? you can keep it

    -Allēna 8/2/2025

  • I’ve had a good, if tiring, day so far.

    I went to a clothing swap called Fat Body Hotties despite my initial reluctance (I’ve been veryyyy tired all day) and had a great time and met so many amazing people. Then I tried Kopps Custard with Emerson and a friend of ours who came with, and Emerson and I are back home now. Also, a magazine I’ve submitted work to followed me back on TWO social media platforms, and according to another friend who’s worked with them, that’s a good sign that they might include something of mine in my next issue??? Aaaaaaaaa!! (happy screech)

    I hope your day is going as well as mine.

    -Allēna

    –

  • “a brief inquiry into the shape of time”

    “you can always say no” is the second oldest lie
    there is, up there with “you will always be mine”
    and if that seems wrong to you, consider the following -
    i left you because you were too close a mirror to all 
    the things i swore had claws and drank away to sleep at night
    and i will always elude you because you vowed to face me and never could
    -Allēna 8/1/2025
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  • “to be the lightning”

    when the lightning strikes me back
    and my cracked-cup mind can no longer hold
    all the subtle fire it’s meant to contain
    find me at the edge of a cold, dark place

    i wanted to be the lightning,
    not simply the bearer of it, 
    but sometimes both dream and nightmare
    outpace me and i cannot find my way home

    so if the world begins to slant 
    remind my parched mouth
    that i am both cupbearer and bitter wine
    reforge both sides of my twisted spine

    when the lightning 
    strikes 
    me 
    back

    -Allēna 7/31/2025
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  • A very sweary rant about the Sydney Sweeney ad campaign from a cripple with “good genes” by Western standards (TW: family death via overdose and cancer, mentions of abuse)

    This whole “good genes” Sydney Sweeney ad thing pisses me the fuck off. off. You wanna know why?? Because my existence was LITERALLY PLANNED OVER MULTIPLE GENERATIONS to create the smartest, most beautiful child possible. MULTIPLE GENERATIONS OF PEOPLE PLOTTED AND SCHEMED AND SEDUCED to create at least TWO GENERATIONS of INCREASINGLY BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN (BY WESTERN SOCIETAL STANDARDS) and THEY TOUCHED THE ROBE OF GOD, AS IT WERE. My paternal uncle was a goddamn genius and absolutely lovely by every Western definition, but a mind like that is HELL ON EARTH. He OVERDOSED ON HEROIN IN 1999. I NEVER GOT TO KNOW HIM. My father, my feral, brilliant father, the elder of the two, made it to 47 before dying of two different counts of brain cancer and nearly took himself out from alcoholism before the tumors did. I’ll say it again. A MIND LIKE THAT IS HELL ON EARTH. My father’s side allegedly has “good genes”. But that’s a crock of CRAP. Genes are genes.

    And then there’s me. I was the next generation. I am every bit as brilliant as my father and my uncle. Many of you have SEEN what I can do. But I was born with HYPERMOBILE JOINTS AND HAD A STROKE AND HEART FAILURE AND MANY MANY OTHER THINGS ON TOP OF THAT LATER ON. MY VERY VERY ABLEIST, IMAGE OBSESSED FAMILY HAD NO FUCKIN CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH MY COCKROACH CRIPPLED ASS. SO THEY PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORTURED ME. FOR YEARS.

    I have “good genes”. Allegedly. BUT THAT IS BULLSHIT. My hypermobile joints, addictive tendencies, and turbocharged mind that tortures me far beyond what my family EVER DID SCREAM OTHERWISE. GENES ARE GENES. A COMPLETE LUCK OF THE DRAW.

    Fuck this ableist, racist, eugenicist complete crock of FUCKERY.

    End fucking transmission.

    -Allēna

  • Hair update!!

    It’s pink now!

    -Allēna